This Time Last Year

Last Thursday was my one year anniversary since arriving in England. In some ways it seems that the time has gone by really quickly because I can so clearly remember getting off the plane last year and moving into the new flat. How can that have been a year ago already?

This is an excerpt from my journal from the day before I left:

November 23rd, 12:15 am, last sleep

"Everything feels very surreal. I know that I need to go to sleep and that when I wake up it will be the day I've been counting down to for 13 weeks! I really wish that I wasn't on the verge of a cold/sinus infection. Not ideal for traveling or for seeing Matt. I really can't believe that I get to see him in about 28 hours.

Everyone came over for supper. It was loud and chaotic and exactly my family. I didn't get really emotional. I expect that to kick in at the airport with saying goodbye to dad, shelley and christine. I know I'm very tired so I hope that I can sleep without waking up every 2-3 hours like last night"

Things I have learned in the last year:

- it's hard to hide your crazy tendencies when you live with your boyfriend. I'm used to living either at home, in a dorm room or with girls where I can walk around all the day in my pyjamas, have at home spa night with face masks, eat the occasional gross junk food that I would never admit to eating and other behaviours that in the beginning of a relationship you try to hide from the other person. We've both adjusted and have at least reached the point where burps and farts are mostly funny. Very romantic

- It doesn't matter where in the world I live, my family and my close friends will always be a huge part of my life. Thanks to facebook, skype and lots of phone calls, I speak to at least one member of my family or friend every day. I see pictures of the family events that I can't attend and it makes me feel like I am still a part of things. My family supported me in moving here and have been there every step of the last year.

- Sometimes, I kind of think I'm invincible. I'm normally very humble and don't always take credit for my accomplishments. But this time I'm taking full credit. I moved to another country to pursue my relationship with Matt and within 6 months I was working at a job in my field while there is a major recession. I never settled and always believed that I would find a job that was right for me.

- I can now drive on the other side of the road and navigate around roundabouts. It took a long time, a lot of tears and the purchase of an automatic but I can drive! Now as soon as this snow clears I'll be back on the road.

- Matt is an incredibly patient and caring person when he's not being a grumpy old man. I'm not always sure how he puts up with me but I did once phrase it as "dating me is like being on the crazy train, you're either all aboard or waiting at the station" Clearly he's all aboard! He's been an amazing partner and despite a few rough patches, I know I made the right decision in moving.

- Being friendly goes a long way in any country. I never fully appreciated the stereotype of the polite Canadian until I moved away and people told me that I said please and thank you a lot. Manners cost nothing and have made a big difference in getting along with everyone at my revolving door of workplaces the first 6 months here.

- Bringing baked goods to work also goes a long way

Parallel Lives

I've been back from Calgary for two days and despite sleeping for almost 24 hours upon my return, I still feel like I could hibernate for a week. I tried to prepare myself for feeling sad when I came back to England. I knew it would come because that's how I felt when I came back in June. This feeling of everything is not quite in sync and it takes awhile to get settled back into my life here.

Having parallel lives is the best way that I can describe the feeling of living in England while my family and many friends still live in Canada. I have felt it both times that I have gone back and I have felt it when Canadian friends and family come to England to visit.

When I went back to Calgary I saw people who I hadn't seen since I had left a year ago. I felt different and had been living this completely different life but everything and everyone was still the same. It was a strange feeling because I became completely absorbed in my week in Calgary and it was as if my other, England life has never even happened or didn't seem to exist. Then the minute I'm back at work on Monday, my Canadian life fades away and it's as though I've always lived here, I've always worked at that office.

Each life seems to carry on without the other one and when I step back into my Calgary, Vancouver or Woking life the others fade into the background. It rips me apart in many ways because I want to live my England life but with my Canadian family. When I'm here and away from them, I almost forget that I miss everyone or how nice it is to be home for kid's birthday parties and family dinners. It makes me wonder will I always feel this push/pull inside me no matter where I live?

I hope this doesn't sound too depressing. The first days back are tough and the intensely busy work schedule and jet lag don't really help.

Turkey Time

I can't believe that I've already been back for almost a week! It almost feels like I never even went. Antalya was not quite the city that I had expected. The last sun holiday that Matt and I had been on was to Santorini in Greece. The place where we stayed was a few steps to the beach and the whole boardwalk outside our hotel was shops and restaurants. I guess I expected the place in Turkey to be a bit more like that. More like a resort somehow.

The flight landed in Turkey at around 11:00 p.m. After being ripped off at customs (if you're from England you pay 10 pounds to enter the country, but if you're from Canada and live in England you pay 30 pounds!), we got our luggage and boarded the bus to the hotel. I never like arriving at night because you don't really get a sense of the place or what anything looks like. The restaurant was shut so I had a lovely dinner of peanuts and pretzels at the sports bar while Matt feasted on beer.

The hotel was extremely nice. We booked at a travel agency and so got a really good deal. I probably never would have stayed at a Sheraton hotel otherwise. The room was booked in my name so when we checked in we were greeted as Mr. and Mrs. Goldstein. This also happened when we in Paris. Despite my highest hopes, it seems unlikely that Matt will ever take my name and become Mr. Goldstein. A girl can dream.

Breakfast buffets are usually my downfall but this buffet was aimed at people who enjoy cheese and meat for breakfast which I do not. There was such a strange mix of food. Who likes lentil soup at 9:00 am?For the past 6 months I haven't been eating wheat or dairy. On this trip, due to very limited options, I was basically on a bread and cheese diet. Some days were delicious but others were frustrating. I would say the lack of Sarah friendly food was really my only complaint of the trip.

This was meant to be a purely relaxing trip. This meant not feeling guilty for not signing up to tours every day and not feeling the need to explore every single thing. I have a tough time relaxing. I excel at napping but sitting still and doing nothing are a struggle. I stayed by the pool most days but did manage to read 3 1/2 books. That is my idea of a holiday! Nothing to do but decide when to eat and what to read.

The beach turned out to be mostly rocks so the pool was the better option. I would say the funniest poolside experience involved an older, very tanned German man by the pool. It's not as if I (or Matt) was checking out his package on purpose but it was impossible NOT to look. This man was wearing very tight swim trunks and he walked around the pool with quite a swagger. This man appeared on day one of the trip which meant that the rest of the week featured large 'package' jokes ;)

Turkey is well known for having textile factories. The cab drivers always felt the need to point this out and try to take us to the textile (or sometimes leather) factories or outlet stores. The cab drivers were nice but one essentially kidnapped us and took us to the waterfalls on the outskirts of the city. First he was telling us about the waterfall and we said we would go another day and then Matt said ok to something and then we were on our way to the waterfall. It turned out really well since the driver took us on a tour around the waterfall and was our personal photographer even telling people to move so that we could get a clear shot of the waterfall in the background.

There were two cultural activities that Matt and I did engage in. The first was a Turkish bath. You wear your bathing suit and first go into a sauna and then a steam room. I passed on the steam room because I get light headed really easily. After the sauna, you are taken into another steamy room and laid out on a stone slab. A woman comes over and scrubs you up and down, front and back. This is not your typical spa scrub, I had bruises from my scrub down! After the scrub, water is dumped on you and then there is a bubble massage before a shower. After this was an oil massage and face mask. Matt and I were separated for the first half and had the massage and face mask together. It was an interesting experience!

The second was a half day trip to the ancient cities of Perge and Aspendos. I find ancient ruins to be really cool and I like imagining what life must have been like hundreds of years ago. I also wonder what people from the future will think when they see ruins from our civilizations. Ever the cynic, Matt pointed out that buildings today are put together so badly that there won't be anything left for people from the future to see!

I'm glad that I went but I don't think that I will go back to Antalya. I would still really like to go to Istanbul though. It was a great trip and nice to have time with just Matt. I'm still surprised and delighted by the fact that we can spend 24/7 together and not kill each other.

Living it Up

When I decided to move to England, people kept asking me what my long term plans were. Both for myself and for Matt and I. I told everyone that I was on the wait and see plan. It was hard to know how everything was going to work and both Matt and I tried to be realistic by sticking to the two year visa timeline.

As time has gone by, and I've almost been here for a year already, we've had quite a few more discussions about future plans. Sometimes I begrudge being an international couple because instead of having to decide what neighbourhood we might live in, we have to think about what country we might want to live in. Matt pointed out that the most rational decision would be to live a few years in each country and then decide which one worked best. I would say that my initial bias was, obviously, to live in Canada. When I told my dad about these discussions that we'd been having, he told me that we could be citizens of the world. I really like the sound of that.

As I am a planner by nature, I have now created a hypothetical ideal timeline for the next few years. Matt's sister is getting married in May of 2012 and it doesn't really make sense to make a move to another country before her wedding. Working on that basis, the move back to Canada has tentatively been penciled in for the summer of 2012. Its much nicer to move during the summer months anyways. This plan leaves plenty of time for Matt to finish his qualifications at work and to apply for a transfer and for me to put in more time with Youth Justice Services and get more work experience.

The other week I heard a comedian say that he hates when people say that travel is their 'thing'. Mostly because everyone likes to travel and so you can not claim it as your own. Your 'thing' needs to be more quirky and possibly outrageous. Travel might not be our 'thing' but it is certainly an interest that Matt and I share and are hoping to make the most of while we live in Europe. To that end, a travel wish list has been created so that cities and countries can be checked off.

The list includes (but is not limited to): Turkey (which will be checked off in a few days), Prague, Italy, Budapest, Copenhagen, Sweden or Norway to watch the Northern Lights, Stockholm, Egypt. Florida and New York are also on the list but are not European countries. I'm hoping that we can make a few weekends trips to check out some amazing cities. I want to be able to look back on my time living in England and know that I truly made the most of it.

I have also been trying to get involved in more activities locally. London has SO much to offer that it can be overwhelming. I'm working my way through most of the musicals in the West End. To date I have seen: Dirty Dancing, Grease, Lion King, We Will Rock You, Wicked, Sister Act, Avenue Q. I had already seen Hairspray, Cats and Les Miserables in Canada. When my mom comes to visit we'll be going to see Billy Elliot.

I've also been trying to find out more about comedians, concerts and festivals. That is why in the past week or so I've seen Russell Peters (comedian), attended the Vegan Festival and saw the band MGMT.

When I was at MGMT on Friday night and Matt and I were rocking out I just stopped and thought, 'my life is pretty fantastic right now and I'm genuinely happy'. This was a really big deal since I am usually so full of anxiety that I can't always enjoy what I am doing.

Since I have started working for the Youth Justice Service I can honestly say that I am exponentially happier living in England. I have a job where I am appreciated and I want to be there. I really like all the people working in my office and for the most part look forward to going to work in the morning. It helps that my commute is an 8 minute walk.

Matt and I are heading to Turkey on Tuesday. I'm so looking forward to having a full week to relax and re-connectwith each other. Every day has been so rainy here and I can't wait for 27 degree sunshine for 7 days!

My Poor Neglected Blog

so it would appear that almost a whole month has gone by without a post...Eek. Where did the last month go? I think I was in denial for most of August about summer coming to an end. So to catch you up I'm going to write a few mini blogs.

1. The Noisy Neighbours

After what seemed like forever of feeling ignored and becoming resigned to living with horrible, inconsiderate neighbours, a police intervention happened. My incessant phone calls and complaints to the environmental health officer and the community policing team finally paid off. The environmental health officer called me and took my report and then sent me a noise diary to help build my case. The noise diary would have been more helpful when I lodged the first complaint but I suppose better late than never. Almost right away I got a phone call from the police and they asked if they could come by my apartment. Their timing was perfect since the upstairs neighbours had been playing loud bass music all afternoon.

I explained my concerns to the police when they arrived and they assured me that I had done the right thing by phoning. I shouldn't have to feel like I can't even relax in my own home. I told them I was mostly worried about the baby that seemed to cry all day and night. After they left my place, they went upstairs to speak to my noisy neighbour. I could hear them knocking on the door and because the music was so loud, she didn't answer the door right away. Perfect!

About 30 minutes later, I got a call from the officers to tell me how it went. The lady upstairs continued to deny to the police that she had any parties and she said that her daughter had not been home for a month! I didn't think that they were accusing me of making a false report or anything but it was not exactly the verdict I had hoped for. They said they would file their report with social services and to let them know if anything else happened.

The police visit worked and its been very quiet up there the past month. Finally peace and quiet...Except that the downstairs neighbours have decided to fill the noise void with a screaming baby and parties of their own.

2. The One Trip I Did Not Want to Take with Matt

During the first few weeks of living together, I had a really bad migraine. I told Matt that sooner or later while we were together, he would end up taking me to the emergency room. This was based on the fact that since the age of 16 and my first migraine, I have spent WAY too much time in the hospital. At first, it was because I didn't know how to manage to my migraines at all and so they would get so bad that I would be blind in one eye and vomiting and the only choice was an I.V. in the ER. I've also ended up in the hospital for a variety of other strange accidents and illnesses. For me it's a good year if I haven't had to go to the ER.

The streak was broken a few weeks ago during a rapid onset case of the stomach flu. I was fine Wednesday night but I woke up Thursday morning feeling so nauseous. I thought I would eat some breakfast and it would pass. It did not. I threw up breakfast. But like the crazy person I am, I still went to work. I put in a few hours, fell asleep on my desk and decided it was time to go home. I got home and fell asleep for about four hours. I woke up still feeling crappy and thought a bowl of plain rice would be safe. This was a mistake. By the time Matt got home a few hours later, I was curled up in a ball and then starting throwing up chunks of blood. At this point we called his mom and she said we should go to the hospital.

I knew that it was mostly likely that the blood was from being so violently sick all day but I guess I didn't want to chance it. And so we went to the A& E (Accidents and Emergencies - the British name for the ER). I told Matt he could just drop me off since I didn't want him to have to suffer the next few hours in the hospital waiting room with me. He said I was being ridiculous and he stayed with me. After numerous pokes, prods and x-rays, my initial diagnosis was correct. They gave me an anti-nauseau injection (it hurt to sit down for the day or so) and sent us home.

I love travelling with Matt but I don't fancy any more trips to the hospital.

3. Mandy comes to town

I refer to Mandy as my girlfriend. I also refer to her as my non-sexual lesbian life partner. This confused some people since both Mandy and I were single for a long time and only hang out with each other...and then I went home with her for Christmas. The non-sexual part was dropped and people began to believe that we really were a couple. I was with Mandy when I met Matt. She occasionally bemoans the fact that because of her so many of her friends have met and hooked up. I'm hoping that she's not still annoyed about this since thanks to her intervention I have a really great boyfriend and I live in England!

So understandably, I was very excited when Mandy was coming for a visit! Being uber-organized meant that she had done loads of research about how to best spend her two weeks in the U.K. She had looked up some very cool places to visit in London that I had never been to including: spidelfields market, hampstead heath, golders green and saw Sister Act. It was so great to have her here because it felt like no time had passed. I realized how much I miss having my girlfriends in my life just to chat and go to lunch and explore markets with. Mandy was travelling with her friend Eleanor who I had heard about but hadn't met. Mandy has so many friends in so many cities and countries! I really like that since I've moved here, quite a few friends and family have made their way over and can stay with me.

On Mandy and Eleanor's last night in England, I hosted a dinner party for Rosh Hashanah (Jewish New Year). Last year at Christmas time, so many people asked me if I was homesick and I wasn't really because Christmas is not a holiday that I celebrate with my family. Rosh Hashanah is a big holiday with my family and I decided that to help deal with being so far away from everyone, I should host a big dinner and make traditional foods. This was quite a feat as I have never made the whole dinner by myself. After two days of cooking and sending Matt to North London to pick up the special round challahs (braided bread), I hosted 7 people for a delicious dinner. I LOVED having everyone over and being able to celebrate with all of my friends. Although most of the attendants were not Jewish, it didn't matter. I liked being able to create new holiday memories living here and living with Matt (who is not Jewish but mostly open-minded).

4. Substance Misuse Prevention Worker

This is my new job title! Not very much has happened yet and I'm still doing my old role. I've been training another woman at work to take over for me but since giving her most of my work load I haven't had much to do at work. This slow time certainly makes up for the craziness of the summer. My new manager and I have only met once and then she took a leave from work because her father had passed away. I haven't been able to wish her my condolences yet because she's been out of the office. I have a meeting tomorrow with her where I should find out what the new role will entail. From what I do know, I will be working directly with young people before they become involved in the criminal justice system. I will be focusing on substance misuse, health and prevention. When I know more, I'll write about it. I'm very excited about this new opportunity and continue to be awed and amazed at my good fortune at getting a job in my field within walking distance from my house!

Ramble On

I usually like my blogs to fit into some kind of theme or event. In fact, I’ve had blogger’s block the past few days trying to decide what to write about. This blog is going to be a bit of ramble as I discuss some of the recent events and thoughts happening lately.

Update on the last blog – Flat 53 vs. Flat 58. I spoke with a woman at work who told me that the police have a neighborhood support worker so I called her. I got a call back and explained the situation and they informed me that while they would make a note of my complaint, I needed to be dealing with the environmental health office. The issue is noise pollution so that’s why it’s an environmental health issue. I got a phone call from them and they apologized for the mismanagement of my previous complaint.

What should have happened when I phoned was that a letter was supposed to go the people upstairs informing them that a complaint had been made about the noise. It would have been anonymous except that since I’ve been up there twice I’m pretty sure they will know its me. I was also supposed to receive a letter with a noise diary to log further disturbances (like the one I’m listening to right now of loud techno music!) I’m still waiting for the noise diary to arrive but at least I’m starting to build a case against them. I feel like such a vigilante about this issue but I can’t let it go. Hopefully the next update will be more positive…like they got evicted!

Work has been very busy the past few weeks. Since I am the newest member of staff and basically at the bottom of the totem pole, I’ve been volunteering for any and every piece of work that I can. There are major budget cuts happening and my goal has been to show them how valuable and versatile I am so that they will want to keep me around.

While I prefer being busier at work, it got a little bit out of control. In addition to my regular duties, I was covering for two other people who were on holidays and on sick leave. Every time the phone rang it was transferred to my desk and every time a youth justice officer had a question they came over to my desk. It has calmed down significantly since the woman on sick leave has returned. My hard work has paid off since I’ve been offered a contract on my extension until March 2011! I don’t want to say too much about it yet since I’ve only had one meeting with the head of service and haven’t been offered anything in writing yet. It’s still excellent news.

**Caution to my dad who is reading this – the next paragraphs are about birth control***I’ve been on the pill since I was about 16. Since moving to the UK I’ve had to get a new doctor and get my prescriptions transferred over. The doctor informed me that the pill I had been taking put me at an increased risk of blood clots because I also get migraines. This was news to me! You think that in the 10 years that I had been taking the pill, one of my Canadian doctors would have mentioned this possible side effect or risk. The doctor tells me that I can no longer take that pill and can take a different one, the mini-pill with only progesterone and no estrogen.

I agreed but inside I was panicking. A large part of the reason I originally took the pill was to help with my bad skin. My skin has never been great. It goes through clear phases only to be followed out by extended break out periods. I knew that going off the pill that is supposed to help with your skin was going to be a nightmare but the risk of a blood clot in my brain was also not an appealing option. Having bad skin makes me SOOO self –conscious. It makes me feel like everyone is staring at my face and my spots and thinking ‘wow, she has such bad skin’. There’s a small chance that no one is thinking that. When my skin is bad, I feel like staying home with a bag over my face. The worst part is that at home I take off my make-up and Matt sees everything! Another joy of living together, I can’t hide anything.

While the effect was not immediate, I’ve begun to notice and now have full-fledged acne again. It sucks. I have nothing positive to say about it. I have an appointment with the doctor next Monday so hopefully they’ll be able to help me out.

Matt and I have booked our holiday and we’re headed to Antalya, Turkey. We got an amazing deal and are staying at a 5 star resort. I’m really excited! People in the U.K. go to Egypt and Turkey the same way people in Canada go to Mexico. There are loads of all-inclusive deals that go there. They still seem like very exotic destinations to me. I’m looking forward to having a break and getting to be on holiday with Matt.

That’s about all for now. I feel like this wasn’t the most exciting of posts. Oh well, hope you liked reading it anyways.

Flat 53 vs. Flat 58

I am normally a very calm and collected individual. I like to think that I am slow to anger and usually feel that most things aren’t really worth getting angry about in the first place. I am also usually the defender of stranger who act inappropriately and try to simply ignore them and move on with my day. All people have a breaking point and there is only so much a person can take.

Of all the traits that annoy me the most, inconsiderate and disrespectful people are at the top of the list. My neighbors fit the bill for the most inconsiderate and disrespectful people that I have ever had the misfortune of meeting.

When we first moved into this flat, the paper-thin walls became apparent as we heard the loud and incessant wailing of the baby living upstairs. I have been around crying babies and this was something else. I wondered if the baby was hurt or sick or being neglected. I even reported my suspicions to the community police officer team. I later found out that you need to report something 3 times to social services before they will come out. I haven’t decided if I want to keep reporting them.

In addition to the crying baby, there are the loud, all night parties that happen almost every Friday. You have to give some allowance to people having parties on the weekends but when they are shouting and blaring their music until 4 in the morning is just not okay. I called the police during one of these parties but was told that because we live in a private (gated) apartment complex, they were not allowed to enter the premises unless they believed someone was being hurt. My inability to lie was my downfall here, as I couldn’t in good conscience lie to the police.

The next morning after zero sleep, Matt and I decided to go up there and confront the noisy neighbors about their ridiculous parties. I decided that in the interest of diplomacy, I should do most of the talking. Matt is more of the speak first and think later type of person.

I knocked on the door (feeling very nervous) and the woman who lives upstairs answered the door. I asked her about the party they had the night before and the loud music they were playing .She denied all knowledge of a party and claimed she was home by 12:30 which we knew was a lie because we heard them come in later. She then said we don’t play loud music because we have a baby. At this point, Matt couldn’t hold back anymore and said “We know you have a baby, we hear it screaming all the time”.

This encounter just made me so much angrier. All she had to do was apologize and say that they didn’t know how loud they had been. Instead, she denied that they were making any noise or that they had had a party. Not impressed! I had planned to write a letter detailing my complaints along with the sections of the lease that the people upstairs were violating. I do not have any faith in the building management company and have not gotten around to writing the letter hoping that the situation would resolve itself.

On Friday night, I had an out of body anger experience. It was Matt’s birthday and he had spent the day at the Beer Festival. We then met up for dinner with another couple (our good friend Simon and Clare) at Santa Maria del Sur, which we had seen on the F-Word with Gordon Ramsay. Matt and I got home relatively early for a Friday night and he was passed out by 10:30. I went to bad around 11:15. I had the windows open (as we do almost every night) because it’s stiflingly hot in our flat and we need the air.

The upstairs neighbors were having a party. It wasn’t so much the music that was the problem this time but rather the fact that they were yelling at each other at the top of their voices out the window. Since it wasn’t that late yet, I tried to go to sleep. I couldn’t sleep. Every time I almost did, I was woken back up by their super loud voices.

By about 12:15, I was so tired and so angry that I was ready to burst. I decided that I had had enough and got dressed and went upstairs. I banged on their door and once again the woman answered. I said to her ‘look, you are yelling out of your windows and being way too loud.’ She stared blankly at me and said ‘yes because the windows are open’. I said ‘we were trying to sleep and maybe they could just not yell out the windows?’ She didn’t say much but basically said come on like I was over reacting. At this point, I snapped. At yelled (actually yelled at her) you’re not the only people who live in this building and you need to more considerate of your neighbors!!!! I then stormed off and came back downstairs.

My heart was racing and my adrenaline was pumping. I couldn’t believe that I had actually confronted her like that. They then closed the window and continue their party. I was asleep for maybe an hour or so before Matt woke up from his beer induced coma with a really bad headache and required my medical attention. Another night with very little sleep.

I find it so hard to believe that people can be so inconsiderate! Fair enough, its your apartment and you can do what you want but that has to be within reason.

The above only describes our upstairs neighbors. The downstairs neighbors also have a baby and like to get into screaming matches with each other and slam doors. At least they don’t have their massive fights when we’re trying to sleep!