My last blog post (albeit that post was some time ago) was all about my visa concerns and my future immigration related plans. In light of my recent engagement, there have been some developments.
First, I suppose this counts as an official announcement of my being engaged. Although June 16th was not that recent anymore but that was the night that we got engaged. It was also that day that two very good friends got married. Despite the engagement, we have not take not taken to calling each other fiancée, I much prefer ‘my betrothed’. Only joking, I’m not a fan of any of those labels.
I will admit that getting engaged threw me down the crazy well and among the joy, happiness and excitement were doubt, fear and anxiety. How can I –miss anti-wedding, have a wedding? How will I plan said wedding in Canada when I live in England? What about my Jewish tradition when Matt is not Jewish and not religious? How can I can I do this and compromise my beliefs or have Matt and I not kill each other in the process?
My dear friend (and now member of my bridal brigade) sent many encouraging e-mails in the first week. I’ve also had countless conversations with my best friend Christine, sisters, mom and dad. They were all very supportive and, more importantly, realistic. Most the spontaneous weeping of those first few weeks has subsided (for now) and a sense of calm and efficiency took over. While I have researching fun wedding ideas using pinterst (my new online obsession) I have also been exploring what are, to me, the more important matter of immigration and a successful marriage.
My practical side tends to be very strong. There were a few days where I seriously considered getting married at a registrar’s office (like city hall) so my visa application could get started and I wouldn’t have to leave in November. I rationalized and made a very strong case for it. The biggest challenge was admitting to myself that it wasn’t what I wanted and that saying vows in front my family and friends mattered to me. That might seem fairly obvious to most people but I’m pretty stubborn!
My very wise dad also said to me “how would you feel if you got married with no family there for a visa and then for whatever reason your application was denied? A work visa for a job is temporary but marriage is for life” He also repeatedly told me that you can’t cut sawdust.
And so the original plan stands, go back to Canada in November and apply for the unmarried partner visa. I try not to focus on the what-ifs like what if my visa is denied or what if it takes over 3 months for them to make a decision and I lose my job? I also try not to think about Matt and I having to go back to a long distance relationship as he can’t stay with me indefinitely in Canada while I wait for my new visa.
It will be strange living apart again and living at home with either my mom in Vancouver or my dad in Calgary. The upside is that I’ll have a chance to do wedding planning that requires me to meet with people in person and other than the not being paid part, having 2 months off from work isn’t all bad. I’ve done my best to secure my job for when I return. I feel incredibly lucky to have a job and a manager who are very supportive and understanding of my immigration concerns and restrictions.
On the most recent trip back to Canada in August, a few wedding details were sorted out: date (October 7th 2012), and venue (Brix in Yaltetown, Vancouver). It feels better having some of the major details organized but now there are about a million other details and decisions to sort through and decide on. I’m also trying to focus on all of the aspects of my life in an effort not to get completed sucked into the wedding vortex in the next year.
