It finally clicked

I’ve been driving the new car for about two weeks now and I would say that It’s going much better. The first few times out with Matt in the car were nerve wracking for both of us. He was sat in the passenger set squeezing his fists and trying to break on his side. His anxiety was making me feel even more nervous and his telling me that I was too close to the curb every 5 seconds didn’t help anyone!

I was still glad to have him in the car though for when I wasn’t completely sure of when to go or what to do. I soon realized that I was relying on him too much and I was going to need to conquer driving on my own once and for all.

I can’t really explain exactly what changed but one day, on my way to work, I approached the roundabout and everything just clicked. As if a picture had been out of focus and I could finally see it clearly. I don’t know why it took a year for roundabouts to make sense to me but it just did. I can now come up to the roundabout and not completely panic and forget how to drive!

Every once in awhile in the car I have a moment where I have to really stop and think about what side of the road I’m meant to be driving on. I haven’t gone the wrong way yet and I don’t think it will happen. It’s more like my rational brain fighting against 9 years worth of driving on the other side.

I’m also adjusting to use the satellite navigation system Sat Nav or Tom Tom. I’ve never used one before so it was a bit confusing at first. I’m out there driving around to young people’s houses and I have no idea where I am or where I’m supposed to be going and have to really on this electronic map to guide. I have occasionally argued with the Tom Tom when it has told me to turn around when possible but I was going the wrong direction (away from home no on the road) and it was a single lane highway. I’m used to getting lost but it’s a whole new level of disorientation here.

It’s improving every day and I’m getting used to the roads. I think Matt still worries about me out on the road. Especially when he gets frantic phone calls from me when I’m driving on the back roads and can’t figure out how to get back to a main road to get home. He has been very patient and trusting of me with the brand new car.

I still prefer to be the passenger but I have to admit it is really nice to be able to drive again.

This Time Last Year

Last Thursday was my one year anniversary since arriving in England. In some ways it seems that the time has gone by really quickly because I can so clearly remember getting off the plane last year and moving into the new flat. How can that have been a year ago already?

This is an excerpt from my journal from the day before I left:

November 23rd, 12:15 am, last sleep

"Everything feels very surreal. I know that I need to go to sleep and that when I wake up it will be the day I've been counting down to for 13 weeks! I really wish that I wasn't on the verge of a cold/sinus infection. Not ideal for traveling or for seeing Matt. I really can't believe that I get to see him in about 28 hours.

Everyone came over for supper. It was loud and chaotic and exactly my family. I didn't get really emotional. I expect that to kick in at the airport with saying goodbye to dad, shelley and christine. I know I'm very tired so I hope that I can sleep without waking up every 2-3 hours like last night"

Things I have learned in the last year:

- it's hard to hide your crazy tendencies when you live with your boyfriend. I'm used to living either at home, in a dorm room or with girls where I can walk around all the day in my pyjamas, have at home spa night with face masks, eat the occasional gross junk food that I would never admit to eating and other behaviours that in the beginning of a relationship you try to hide from the other person. We've both adjusted and have at least reached the point where burps and farts are mostly funny. Very romantic

- It doesn't matter where in the world I live, my family and my close friends will always be a huge part of my life. Thanks to facebook, skype and lots of phone calls, I speak to at least one member of my family or friend every day. I see pictures of the family events that I can't attend and it makes me feel like I am still a part of things. My family supported me in moving here and have been there every step of the last year.

- Sometimes, I kind of think I'm invincible. I'm normally very humble and don't always take credit for my accomplishments. But this time I'm taking full credit. I moved to another country to pursue my relationship with Matt and within 6 months I was working at a job in my field while there is a major recession. I never settled and always believed that I would find a job that was right for me.

- I can now drive on the other side of the road and navigate around roundabouts. It took a long time, a lot of tears and the purchase of an automatic but I can drive! Now as soon as this snow clears I'll be back on the road.

- Matt is an incredibly patient and caring person when he's not being a grumpy old man. I'm not always sure how he puts up with me but I did once phrase it as "dating me is like being on the crazy train, you're either all aboard or waiting at the station" Clearly he's all aboard! He's been an amazing partner and despite a few rough patches, I know I made the right decision in moving.

- Being friendly goes a long way in any country. I never fully appreciated the stereotype of the polite Canadian until I moved away and people told me that I said please and thank you a lot. Manners cost nothing and have made a big difference in getting along with everyone at my revolving door of workplaces the first 6 months here.

- Bringing baked goods to work also goes a long way

Parallel Lives

I've been back from Calgary for two days and despite sleeping for almost 24 hours upon my return, I still feel like I could hibernate for a week. I tried to prepare myself for feeling sad when I came back to England. I knew it would come because that's how I felt when I came back in June. This feeling of everything is not quite in sync and it takes awhile to get settled back into my life here.

Having parallel lives is the best way that I can describe the feeling of living in England while my family and many friends still live in Canada. I have felt it both times that I have gone back and I have felt it when Canadian friends and family come to England to visit.

When I went back to Calgary I saw people who I hadn't seen since I had left a year ago. I felt different and had been living this completely different life but everything and everyone was still the same. It was a strange feeling because I became completely absorbed in my week in Calgary and it was as if my other, England life has never even happened or didn't seem to exist. Then the minute I'm back at work on Monday, my Canadian life fades away and it's as though I've always lived here, I've always worked at that office.

Each life seems to carry on without the other one and when I step back into my Calgary, Vancouver or Woking life the others fade into the background. It rips me apart in many ways because I want to live my England life but with my Canadian family. When I'm here and away from them, I almost forget that I miss everyone or how nice it is to be home for kid's birthday parties and family dinners. It makes me wonder will I always feel this push/pull inside me no matter where I live?

I hope this doesn't sound too depressing. The first days back are tough and the intensely busy work schedule and jet lag don't really help.

Turkey Time

I can't believe that I've already been back for almost a week! It almost feels like I never even went. Antalya was not quite the city that I had expected. The last sun holiday that Matt and I had been on was to Santorini in Greece. The place where we stayed was a few steps to the beach and the whole boardwalk outside our hotel was shops and restaurants. I guess I expected the place in Turkey to be a bit more like that. More like a resort somehow.

The flight landed in Turkey at around 11:00 p.m. After being ripped off at customs (if you're from England you pay 10 pounds to enter the country, but if you're from Canada and live in England you pay 30 pounds!), we got our luggage and boarded the bus to the hotel. I never like arriving at night because you don't really get a sense of the place or what anything looks like. The restaurant was shut so I had a lovely dinner of peanuts and pretzels at the sports bar while Matt feasted on beer.

The hotel was extremely nice. We booked at a travel agency and so got a really good deal. I probably never would have stayed at a Sheraton hotel otherwise. The room was booked in my name so when we checked in we were greeted as Mr. and Mrs. Goldstein. This also happened when we in Paris. Despite my highest hopes, it seems unlikely that Matt will ever take my name and become Mr. Goldstein. A girl can dream.

Breakfast buffets are usually my downfall but this buffet was aimed at people who enjoy cheese and meat for breakfast which I do not. There was such a strange mix of food. Who likes lentil soup at 9:00 am?For the past 6 months I haven't been eating wheat or dairy. On this trip, due to very limited options, I was basically on a bread and cheese diet. Some days were delicious but others were frustrating. I would say the lack of Sarah friendly food was really my only complaint of the trip.

This was meant to be a purely relaxing trip. This meant not feeling guilty for not signing up to tours every day and not feeling the need to explore every single thing. I have a tough time relaxing. I excel at napping but sitting still and doing nothing are a struggle. I stayed by the pool most days but did manage to read 3 1/2 books. That is my idea of a holiday! Nothing to do but decide when to eat and what to read.

The beach turned out to be mostly rocks so the pool was the better option. I would say the funniest poolside experience involved an older, very tanned German man by the pool. It's not as if I (or Matt) was checking out his package on purpose but it was impossible NOT to look. This man was wearing very tight swim trunks and he walked around the pool with quite a swagger. This man appeared on day one of the trip which meant that the rest of the week featured large 'package' jokes ;)

Turkey is well known for having textile factories. The cab drivers always felt the need to point this out and try to take us to the textile (or sometimes leather) factories or outlet stores. The cab drivers were nice but one essentially kidnapped us and took us to the waterfalls on the outskirts of the city. First he was telling us about the waterfall and we said we would go another day and then Matt said ok to something and then we were on our way to the waterfall. It turned out really well since the driver took us on a tour around the waterfall and was our personal photographer even telling people to move so that we could get a clear shot of the waterfall in the background.

There were two cultural activities that Matt and I did engage in. The first was a Turkish bath. You wear your bathing suit and first go into a sauna and then a steam room. I passed on the steam room because I get light headed really easily. After the sauna, you are taken into another steamy room and laid out on a stone slab. A woman comes over and scrubs you up and down, front and back. This is not your typical spa scrub, I had bruises from my scrub down! After the scrub, water is dumped on you and then there is a bubble massage before a shower. After this was an oil massage and face mask. Matt and I were separated for the first half and had the massage and face mask together. It was an interesting experience!

The second was a half day trip to the ancient cities of Perge and Aspendos. I find ancient ruins to be really cool and I like imagining what life must have been like hundreds of years ago. I also wonder what people from the future will think when they see ruins from our civilizations. Ever the cynic, Matt pointed out that buildings today are put together so badly that there won't be anything left for people from the future to see!

I'm glad that I went but I don't think that I will go back to Antalya. I would still really like to go to Istanbul though. It was a great trip and nice to have time with just Matt. I'm still surprised and delighted by the fact that we can spend 24/7 together and not kill each other.

Living it Up

When I decided to move to England, people kept asking me what my long term plans were. Both for myself and for Matt and I. I told everyone that I was on the wait and see plan. It was hard to know how everything was going to work and both Matt and I tried to be realistic by sticking to the two year visa timeline.

As time has gone by, and I've almost been here for a year already, we've had quite a few more discussions about future plans. Sometimes I begrudge being an international couple because instead of having to decide what neighbourhood we might live in, we have to think about what country we might want to live in. Matt pointed out that the most rational decision would be to live a few years in each country and then decide which one worked best. I would say that my initial bias was, obviously, to live in Canada. When I told my dad about these discussions that we'd been having, he told me that we could be citizens of the world. I really like the sound of that.

As I am a planner by nature, I have now created a hypothetical ideal timeline for the next few years. Matt's sister is getting married in May of 2012 and it doesn't really make sense to make a move to another country before her wedding. Working on that basis, the move back to Canada has tentatively been penciled in for the summer of 2012. Its much nicer to move during the summer months anyways. This plan leaves plenty of time for Matt to finish his qualifications at work and to apply for a transfer and for me to put in more time with Youth Justice Services and get more work experience.

The other week I heard a comedian say that he hates when people say that travel is their 'thing'. Mostly because everyone likes to travel and so you can not claim it as your own. Your 'thing' needs to be more quirky and possibly outrageous. Travel might not be our 'thing' but it is certainly an interest that Matt and I share and are hoping to make the most of while we live in Europe. To that end, a travel wish list has been created so that cities and countries can be checked off.

The list includes (but is not limited to): Turkey (which will be checked off in a few days), Prague, Italy, Budapest, Copenhagen, Sweden or Norway to watch the Northern Lights, Stockholm, Egypt. Florida and New York are also on the list but are not European countries. I'm hoping that we can make a few weekends trips to check out some amazing cities. I want to be able to look back on my time living in England and know that I truly made the most of it.

I have also been trying to get involved in more activities locally. London has SO much to offer that it can be overwhelming. I'm working my way through most of the musicals in the West End. To date I have seen: Dirty Dancing, Grease, Lion King, We Will Rock You, Wicked, Sister Act, Avenue Q. I had already seen Hairspray, Cats and Les Miserables in Canada. When my mom comes to visit we'll be going to see Billy Elliot.

I've also been trying to find out more about comedians, concerts and festivals. That is why in the past week or so I've seen Russell Peters (comedian), attended the Vegan Festival and saw the band MGMT.

When I was at MGMT on Friday night and Matt and I were rocking out I just stopped and thought, 'my life is pretty fantastic right now and I'm genuinely happy'. This was a really big deal since I am usually so full of anxiety that I can't always enjoy what I am doing.

Since I have started working for the Youth Justice Service I can honestly say that I am exponentially happier living in England. I have a job where I am appreciated and I want to be there. I really like all the people working in my office and for the most part look forward to going to work in the morning. It helps that my commute is an 8 minute walk.

Matt and I are heading to Turkey on Tuesday. I'm so looking forward to having a full week to relax and re-connectwith each other. Every day has been so rainy here and I can't wait for 27 degree sunshine for 7 days!

My Poor Neglected Blog

so it would appear that almost a whole month has gone by without a post...Eek. Where did the last month go? I think I was in denial for most of August about summer coming to an end. So to catch you up I'm going to write a few mini blogs.

1. The Noisy Neighbours

After what seemed like forever of feeling ignored and becoming resigned to living with horrible, inconsiderate neighbours, a police intervention happened. My incessant phone calls and complaints to the environmental health officer and the community policing team finally paid off. The environmental health officer called me and took my report and then sent me a noise diary to help build my case. The noise diary would have been more helpful when I lodged the first complaint but I suppose better late than never. Almost right away I got a phone call from the police and they asked if they could come by my apartment. Their timing was perfect since the upstairs neighbours had been playing loud bass music all afternoon.

I explained my concerns to the police when they arrived and they assured me that I had done the right thing by phoning. I shouldn't have to feel like I can't even relax in my own home. I told them I was mostly worried about the baby that seemed to cry all day and night. After they left my place, they went upstairs to speak to my noisy neighbour. I could hear them knocking on the door and because the music was so loud, she didn't answer the door right away. Perfect!

About 30 minutes later, I got a call from the officers to tell me how it went. The lady upstairs continued to deny to the police that she had any parties and she said that her daughter had not been home for a month! I didn't think that they were accusing me of making a false report or anything but it was not exactly the verdict I had hoped for. They said they would file their report with social services and to let them know if anything else happened.

The police visit worked and its been very quiet up there the past month. Finally peace and quiet...Except that the downstairs neighbours have decided to fill the noise void with a screaming baby and parties of their own.

2. The One Trip I Did Not Want to Take with Matt

During the first few weeks of living together, I had a really bad migraine. I told Matt that sooner or later while we were together, he would end up taking me to the emergency room. This was based on the fact that since the age of 16 and my first migraine, I have spent WAY too much time in the hospital. At first, it was because I didn't know how to manage to my migraines at all and so they would get so bad that I would be blind in one eye and vomiting and the only choice was an I.V. in the ER. I've also ended up in the hospital for a variety of other strange accidents and illnesses. For me it's a good year if I haven't had to go to the ER.

The streak was broken a few weeks ago during a rapid onset case of the stomach flu. I was fine Wednesday night but I woke up Thursday morning feeling so nauseous. I thought I would eat some breakfast and it would pass. It did not. I threw up breakfast. But like the crazy person I am, I still went to work. I put in a few hours, fell asleep on my desk and decided it was time to go home. I got home and fell asleep for about four hours. I woke up still feeling crappy and thought a bowl of plain rice would be safe. This was a mistake. By the time Matt got home a few hours later, I was curled up in a ball and then starting throwing up chunks of blood. At this point we called his mom and she said we should go to the hospital.

I knew that it was mostly likely that the blood was from being so violently sick all day but I guess I didn't want to chance it. And so we went to the A& E (Accidents and Emergencies - the British name for the ER). I told Matt he could just drop me off since I didn't want him to have to suffer the next few hours in the hospital waiting room with me. He said I was being ridiculous and he stayed with me. After numerous pokes, prods and x-rays, my initial diagnosis was correct. They gave me an anti-nauseau injection (it hurt to sit down for the day or so) and sent us home.

I love travelling with Matt but I don't fancy any more trips to the hospital.

3. Mandy comes to town

I refer to Mandy as my girlfriend. I also refer to her as my non-sexual lesbian life partner. This confused some people since both Mandy and I were single for a long time and only hang out with each other...and then I went home with her for Christmas. The non-sexual part was dropped and people began to believe that we really were a couple. I was with Mandy when I met Matt. She occasionally bemoans the fact that because of her so many of her friends have met and hooked up. I'm hoping that she's not still annoyed about this since thanks to her intervention I have a really great boyfriend and I live in England!

So understandably, I was very excited when Mandy was coming for a visit! Being uber-organized meant that she had done loads of research about how to best spend her two weeks in the U.K. She had looked up some very cool places to visit in London that I had never been to including: spidelfields market, hampstead heath, golders green and saw Sister Act. It was so great to have her here because it felt like no time had passed. I realized how much I miss having my girlfriends in my life just to chat and go to lunch and explore markets with. Mandy was travelling with her friend Eleanor who I had heard about but hadn't met. Mandy has so many friends in so many cities and countries! I really like that since I've moved here, quite a few friends and family have made their way over and can stay with me.

On Mandy and Eleanor's last night in England, I hosted a dinner party for Rosh Hashanah (Jewish New Year). Last year at Christmas time, so many people asked me if I was homesick and I wasn't really because Christmas is not a holiday that I celebrate with my family. Rosh Hashanah is a big holiday with my family and I decided that to help deal with being so far away from everyone, I should host a big dinner and make traditional foods. This was quite a feat as I have never made the whole dinner by myself. After two days of cooking and sending Matt to North London to pick up the special round challahs (braided bread), I hosted 7 people for a delicious dinner. I LOVED having everyone over and being able to celebrate with all of my friends. Although most of the attendants were not Jewish, it didn't matter. I liked being able to create new holiday memories living here and living with Matt (who is not Jewish but mostly open-minded).

4. Substance Misuse Prevention Worker

This is my new job title! Not very much has happened yet and I'm still doing my old role. I've been training another woman at work to take over for me but since giving her most of my work load I haven't had much to do at work. This slow time certainly makes up for the craziness of the summer. My new manager and I have only met once and then she took a leave from work because her father had passed away. I haven't been able to wish her my condolences yet because she's been out of the office. I have a meeting tomorrow with her where I should find out what the new role will entail. From what I do know, I will be working directly with young people before they become involved in the criminal justice system. I will be focusing on substance misuse, health and prevention. When I know more, I'll write about it. I'm very excited about this new opportunity and continue to be awed and amazed at my good fortune at getting a job in my field within walking distance from my house!

Ramble On

I usually like my blogs to fit into some kind of theme or event. In fact, I’ve had blogger’s block the past few days trying to decide what to write about. This blog is going to be a bit of ramble as I discuss some of the recent events and thoughts happening lately.

Update on the last blog – Flat 53 vs. Flat 58. I spoke with a woman at work who told me that the police have a neighborhood support worker so I called her. I got a call back and explained the situation and they informed me that while they would make a note of my complaint, I needed to be dealing with the environmental health office. The issue is noise pollution so that’s why it’s an environmental health issue. I got a phone call from them and they apologized for the mismanagement of my previous complaint.

What should have happened when I phoned was that a letter was supposed to go the people upstairs informing them that a complaint had been made about the noise. It would have been anonymous except that since I’ve been up there twice I’m pretty sure they will know its me. I was also supposed to receive a letter with a noise diary to log further disturbances (like the one I’m listening to right now of loud techno music!) I’m still waiting for the noise diary to arrive but at least I’m starting to build a case against them. I feel like such a vigilante about this issue but I can’t let it go. Hopefully the next update will be more positive…like they got evicted!

Work has been very busy the past few weeks. Since I am the newest member of staff and basically at the bottom of the totem pole, I’ve been volunteering for any and every piece of work that I can. There are major budget cuts happening and my goal has been to show them how valuable and versatile I am so that they will want to keep me around.

While I prefer being busier at work, it got a little bit out of control. In addition to my regular duties, I was covering for two other people who were on holidays and on sick leave. Every time the phone rang it was transferred to my desk and every time a youth justice officer had a question they came over to my desk. It has calmed down significantly since the woman on sick leave has returned. My hard work has paid off since I’ve been offered a contract on my extension until March 2011! I don’t want to say too much about it yet since I’ve only had one meeting with the head of service and haven’t been offered anything in writing yet. It’s still excellent news.

**Caution to my dad who is reading this – the next paragraphs are about birth control***I’ve been on the pill since I was about 16. Since moving to the UK I’ve had to get a new doctor and get my prescriptions transferred over. The doctor informed me that the pill I had been taking put me at an increased risk of blood clots because I also get migraines. This was news to me! You think that in the 10 years that I had been taking the pill, one of my Canadian doctors would have mentioned this possible side effect or risk. The doctor tells me that I can no longer take that pill and can take a different one, the mini-pill with only progesterone and no estrogen.

I agreed but inside I was panicking. A large part of the reason I originally took the pill was to help with my bad skin. My skin has never been great. It goes through clear phases only to be followed out by extended break out periods. I knew that going off the pill that is supposed to help with your skin was going to be a nightmare but the risk of a blood clot in my brain was also not an appealing option. Having bad skin makes me SOOO self –conscious. It makes me feel like everyone is staring at my face and my spots and thinking ‘wow, she has such bad skin’. There’s a small chance that no one is thinking that. When my skin is bad, I feel like staying home with a bag over my face. The worst part is that at home I take off my make-up and Matt sees everything! Another joy of living together, I can’t hide anything.

While the effect was not immediate, I’ve begun to notice and now have full-fledged acne again. It sucks. I have nothing positive to say about it. I have an appointment with the doctor next Monday so hopefully they’ll be able to help me out.

Matt and I have booked our holiday and we’re headed to Antalya, Turkey. We got an amazing deal and are staying at a 5 star resort. I’m really excited! People in the U.K. go to Egypt and Turkey the same way people in Canada go to Mexico. There are loads of all-inclusive deals that go there. They still seem like very exotic destinations to me. I’m looking forward to having a break and getting to be on holiday with Matt.

That’s about all for now. I feel like this wasn’t the most exciting of posts. Oh well, hope you liked reading it anyways.

Flat 53 vs. Flat 58

I am normally a very calm and collected individual. I like to think that I am slow to anger and usually feel that most things aren’t really worth getting angry about in the first place. I am also usually the defender of stranger who act inappropriately and try to simply ignore them and move on with my day. All people have a breaking point and there is only so much a person can take.

Of all the traits that annoy me the most, inconsiderate and disrespectful people are at the top of the list. My neighbors fit the bill for the most inconsiderate and disrespectful people that I have ever had the misfortune of meeting.

When we first moved into this flat, the paper-thin walls became apparent as we heard the loud and incessant wailing of the baby living upstairs. I have been around crying babies and this was something else. I wondered if the baby was hurt or sick or being neglected. I even reported my suspicions to the community police officer team. I later found out that you need to report something 3 times to social services before they will come out. I haven’t decided if I want to keep reporting them.

In addition to the crying baby, there are the loud, all night parties that happen almost every Friday. You have to give some allowance to people having parties on the weekends but when they are shouting and blaring their music until 4 in the morning is just not okay. I called the police during one of these parties but was told that because we live in a private (gated) apartment complex, they were not allowed to enter the premises unless they believed someone was being hurt. My inability to lie was my downfall here, as I couldn’t in good conscience lie to the police.

The next morning after zero sleep, Matt and I decided to go up there and confront the noisy neighbors about their ridiculous parties. I decided that in the interest of diplomacy, I should do most of the talking. Matt is more of the speak first and think later type of person.

I knocked on the door (feeling very nervous) and the woman who lives upstairs answered the door. I asked her about the party they had the night before and the loud music they were playing .She denied all knowledge of a party and claimed she was home by 12:30 which we knew was a lie because we heard them come in later. She then said we don’t play loud music because we have a baby. At this point, Matt couldn’t hold back anymore and said “We know you have a baby, we hear it screaming all the time”.

This encounter just made me so much angrier. All she had to do was apologize and say that they didn’t know how loud they had been. Instead, she denied that they were making any noise or that they had had a party. Not impressed! I had planned to write a letter detailing my complaints along with the sections of the lease that the people upstairs were violating. I do not have any faith in the building management company and have not gotten around to writing the letter hoping that the situation would resolve itself.

On Friday night, I had an out of body anger experience. It was Matt’s birthday and he had spent the day at the Beer Festival. We then met up for dinner with another couple (our good friend Simon and Clare) at Santa Maria del Sur, which we had seen on the F-Word with Gordon Ramsay. Matt and I got home relatively early for a Friday night and he was passed out by 10:30. I went to bad around 11:15. I had the windows open (as we do almost every night) because it’s stiflingly hot in our flat and we need the air.

The upstairs neighbors were having a party. It wasn’t so much the music that was the problem this time but rather the fact that they were yelling at each other at the top of their voices out the window. Since it wasn’t that late yet, I tried to go to sleep. I couldn’t sleep. Every time I almost did, I was woken back up by their super loud voices.

By about 12:15, I was so tired and so angry that I was ready to burst. I decided that I had had enough and got dressed and went upstairs. I banged on their door and once again the woman answered. I said to her ‘look, you are yelling out of your windows and being way too loud.’ She stared blankly at me and said ‘yes because the windows are open’. I said ‘we were trying to sleep and maybe they could just not yell out the windows?’ She didn’t say much but basically said come on like I was over reacting. At this point, I snapped. At yelled (actually yelled at her) you’re not the only people who live in this building and you need to more considerate of your neighbors!!!! I then stormed off and came back downstairs.

My heart was racing and my adrenaline was pumping. I couldn’t believe that I had actually confronted her like that. They then closed the window and continue their party. I was asleep for maybe an hour or so before Matt woke up from his beer induced coma with a really bad headache and required my medical attention. Another night with very little sleep.

I find it so hard to believe that people can be so inconsiderate! Fair enough, its your apartment and you can do what you want but that has to be within reason.

The above only describes our upstairs neighbors. The downstairs neighbors also have a baby and like to get into screaming matches with each other and slam doors. At least they don’t have their massive fights when we’re trying to sleep!

Smooth Sailing

I sometimes use my blog to vent and complain. Luckily this skill has helped me fit in in England since complaining (or moaning) is a national pastime. However, my life is going extremely well at the moment and thought that it might be worth reflecting on some of the very positive events that have been happening lately.

Work: I have been very busy at work the past few weeks. I was getting too efficient at doing just my job and now I am helping to cover for two other people’s job while they are on holiday and sick leave! I’m still at the bottom at the totem pole and need to work really hard to prove myself. I think its working and I’m being given more freedom and responsibility. I’m also in charge of projects that will be shown when special guests come for tours of our department. I really like the people on my team and I like my days off but I look forward to going to work now. I’ve been given permission to work another day per week – so now I’m on four days per week while I’m helping cover for other people. I also got another job, as a youth worker at a local youth centre in the evenings but that won’t start until September. It’s a little bit uncertain working in the government and major cuts are happening. I’m really hoping that I will still have a place there in September once some cuts have been made and people are re-shuffled.

Travel: I am trying to make the most of living in Europe and being so close to so many countries. I went to Amsterdam with my friend Adrienne who lives is Canadian but lives in Germany and is moving back to Canada at the end of August. We realized that we have actually travelled to quite a few places together: Germany, Vienna, Arizona, England and now Amsterdam. The trip was very fun. I love all of the history in European cities. I won’t go into too much detail but we did venture to Red Light District and checked out a few coffee shops.

Matt and I also have a lot of travel plans for the next year. The first weekend in September, we are planning to go to either Devon or Cornwall on the coast in England. There’s a plan for a sun holiday in early October to either Turkey or Spain. Next year for my birthday we’re looking at going to Italy. So much to look forward to!

Visitors: I am very excited about the visitors that are planning to come and see me. First up is Mandy (my non-sexual lesbian life partner). She’s going to be here at the end of August and it will have been almost a whole year since we’ve seen each other. We used to live a few blocks away from each other in Vancouver, which meant that we saw each other all the time. Then she went and moved to Kelowna and I went and moved to England.

My mom is planning to come in the middle of October for 10 days. I can’t wait to show her my life here and introduce her to Matt’s family. Hopefully she’s planning to travel without her puppets or other practical jokes…

Matt and me: we survived our first real fight and in a way I’m actually really glad. Fighting and not speaking for a day was not fun at all but it brought to the light some real issues that needed to be dealt with. Neither of us has lived with a partner before and so we are muddling through together trying to sort out grown-up relationship stuff like budgets and chores. I trust in myself and in him and the knowledge that we want the same things. This is my first grown-up relationship where a fight doesn’t equal a break-up and you can feel anger and love just as intensely and sometimes at the same time. It’s wonderful, confusing, frustrating and exciting but I’m happy and in love with him.

Health: Awhile back I mentioned that I had given up wheat, dairy and sugar and had lost a bit of weight. I became frustrated when I was eating so well and the weight wouldn’t budge so I decided to see a nutritionist for some advice and support. She’s works at a holistic health centre and has made some very helpful suggestions that seem to have made a big difference. I’ve also become (except for eggs) basically a vegan. The focus tens to be on what you can’t eat instead of what you can. I’ve been creative and read recipes online all the time. My body seems to have responded really well and I’ve been feeling really good. I’ve been trying my best to be realistic and in my gym attendance and now that we have a Nintendo Wii – I can work out at home. That’s not a cop-out the Wii fit is actually really tough!

I’m finally starting to feel settled here. I still miss my old life in Canada but I’m enjoying my new life in England more each day.

Matt Meets the Fam

Due to the slightly unusual circumstances of my first few weeks of dating Matt (which at the time I wasn't even sure if we were dating...), he didn't meet the majority of my family. We only knew each other for a few weeks before he went back to England. We met in Vancouver and more than half of my family lives in Calgary.

When I took Matt to meet my mom (after him and I had only hung out about a handful of times), I warned him that no matter what I said to him it would not adequately prepare him for what may or may not happen over the course of the next few hours. It was my birthday and I wanted to see my mom and since Matt was spending the day with me, he was coming to meet her too. My warning proved all too accurate when she told us that she had been practicing her ventriloquist skills and would we like to see her dummies?? It should be explained that when my mom finished her PhD she decided to go in a slightly different direction for a break and took up ventriloquism. Its always been weird and creepy. My mom and I visited (pre-dummies) while Matt watched tv. When we left, I asked him what he thought and he responded 'well, at least she's madder than you!' Really that was the best that I could have hoped for.

Matt also met my younger sister during those first few weeks. We lived together at the time but his assessment of her was that he had only seen her briefly and she was usually getting ready to go out. She came to stay with us for a few days in March of this year. They got a little bit more time to get to know each other although I had to translate most of what he was saying. He keeps claiming that he doesn't have an accent!

As our trip to Canada got closer, I embarked on a project of preparing Matt to meet the rest of my family. First we were going to Vancouver and he would be staying with my mom and her husband Jeff. We would be hanging out with My Vancouver family including my aunt, my uncle, cousins and grandma. My Vancouver family can get a bit silly and has been known to tell dirty jokes. I also repeatedly told Matt that my dad was the glue of the family. Each of his 4 kids talk to him minimum once a day through e-mail, skype or text. I was slightly nervous for him since he had to meet SO many people all at once. While Matt, ever the calm and collected one didn't seem phased by it at all.

I also told him what comments might be offensive, that he couldn't be rude and that most importantly he should be himself.

First up was my Vancouver family. My mom and uncle kept asking Matt to repeat and say things because they liked how it sounded with his accent. Then they were repeating it in their version of his accent. Although Matt re-assures me that the evening was fine and not embarrassing, I wasn't so sure. I'm used to my family and all of our eccentricities. I'm not ashamed or embarrassed of anyone but I just wasn't sure how we would appear to Matt who comes from the most normal family that I've ever met.

My mom really liked/likes Matt. She told me how nice he seems and that its obvious to her how much he cares about me. She always asks about him when we chat.

I loved being in Vancouver with Matt. Going to my favourite restaurants, having breakfast with my mom, visiting the beach and being with my friends. And driving!! It was so nice to be able to drive and know where I was going. Since living in England, our lives have basically revolved around Matt's life, his friends and his family. I don't say this with any resentment but matter-of-factly. I moved here not knowing many people and I've had 8 months to build a live here while Matt has had 28 (almost 29) years of having a life here. Being together in Canada meant that we got to do basically everything that I wanted to do. Clearly the way that it should be!

In Calgary, Matt was about to be bombarded with Goldsteins, McAllisters and Hansons. First up was my dad and his now wife Shelley. We had driven from Nelson to Calgary and had stopped for dinner in Banff. I was so excited to see my dad and to be back in my old house. There have been a few renovations and a few new tenants but it will always be my home because I grew up and spent 22 years of my life there. We spent some time chatting and visiting. My dad had no trouble with his accent.

We were up early the next day. Keep in mind at that time, England was still in the World Cup and with the time difference kick off was at 8:00 am. That afternoon, some of Shelley's kids and their boyfriends/girlfriends arrived and we had a small family dinner. Small being a relative term since there were 9 of us there and many siblings were missing. We finished dinner and moved over to Christine's house - my best friend, former room mate and non-sexual life partner.

Christine has been my best friend since we were 18. She's the kind of friend where it doesn't matter how much time has passed we can pick up and be right where we left off. I got to see here new house and she got to meet my Matt. I'm so proud of her for being so grown-up and buying her own house with her friend Kelsey. Although we only had two short days to spend time together, I loved every minute! I also spent time with her and her boyfriend. Christine and I haven't both had boyfriends at the same time since we were 18. While I don't need really need anyone's stamp of approval for my relationships, it was still nice to get some positive feedback from a person who knows me so well.

After leaving Christine's house, we went back to my dad's house to meet my older sister and my youngest niece, Baby Violet. The plan was to pick up lunch and meet up with my nephew Kade for his end of school picnic. We brought him a meatball sub. Before we left the house, Matt got some insight into how much work babies are when we had to put the car seat and the stroller in the car!

Kade's picnic was hilarious. He's such a popular 7 year old and needed to say hello and visit every other kids picnics. He ran around and played football - it is a spanish school after all. Next stop was the zoo. We took the train to avoid traffic and parking issues. Taking two small children to the zoo is quite a workout! Pushing the stroller and pulling Kade in a wagon. Kade is too smart for his auntie and felt the need to correct me when I pointed out a turtle (he let me know it was actually a tortoise). Matt was a pretty good sport about being a two child family for the afternoon. He's still a little bit unsure of how to hold a squirming baby.

That night was the start of the wedding weekend festivities. Matt was about to meet everyone else: my older sister's husband and my other niece and nephew, my brother and his wife and their son and Shelley's sister and husband. I warned Matt that when my family gets together there is usually enough food for everyone to eat thirds and there will still be leftovers. I told him to wear his eating clothes. Kade was the star of the BBQ giving tours of the barn and the garden. I seriously love that kid.

On Saturday, I spent the morning with my sister Carie and we went to a fundraiser workout class. it was my first experience at Zumba. It was sweaty but really fun. Matt ended up playing golf with my brother. I wasn't sure how they would get along but they ended up having a really good day together.

That night was dinner for all of the out of town guests. Read: more family for Matt to meet. All of the siblings were in attendance. There are four kids in my family and Shelley has four kids. that's not including spouses or girlfriends and boyfriends. The dinner that night was lovely. Great food, seeing my relatives and just hanging out with everyone.

Sunday was the wedding. Before everything got underway, I was feeling a little bit strange. maybe a little overwhelmed. I was looking forward to the wedding because I really do like Shelley and loved the idea of the wedding taking place in the backyard. My dad had asked me a few days prior if I would walk him down the aisle with my younger sister Kylie. I burst out crying when he asked me. I was honoured and of course said yes.

The weather was perfect for the day. We had a series of family photos with the professional photographer and I knew that this was not going to be fun for Matt. He was allowed in one of the pictures though when we did a big group shot. Hopefully I won't have to scratch his face out of the picture at a later date...(Kidding - only kidding!)

In addition to meeting all my family, Matt now got to meet friends of the family. Everyone wanted to know what he did and what our life was like together in England. A few people even told me how handsome they thought he was. Always nice to hear. When we were leaving to head back to my sister's house later in the day, one of my dad's friend told Matt that 'he better take care of their girl'. Again, really nice to hear.

I was not looking forward to the airport goodbye with my dad. I had already had the emotional airport good bye with my dad 8 months earlier when I moved. I thought that I was holding it together until we actually hugged at the gate and he started telling me that he though Matt was a good guy and we seemed very happy together. My dad has never liked anyone that I have dated so this was a huge deal having him tell me that he liked Matt. At this point I was on the verge of sobbing and it really was time to go through the gate. At least Matt was there to hold my hand.

He survived meeting my loud, funny, obsessed with food and all around amazing family. I moved to another country to live with a man who my family had either never or barely met. I hope now, after meeting him, they can see why I made that choice.

Watching Your Parents Re-Marry

My parents separated at the same time that I moved to Vancouver and began my Master's degree. At that time, all I could think about was how much better and easier everything would be if they got back together. It was almost impossible for me to imagine a happy life for both of my parents that did not involved being married to each other and us being a family.

A very wise friend of mine gave me some powerful advice that has only truly become meaningful over the past few months. She told me that the day would come when I would be fine with my parent's divorce. I would also be fine with them dating and possibly marrying other people. I might even learn to like and love their new spouses. I was adamant that she was wrong. I thanked her for her well meaning advice and dismissed it thinking it may have been applicable to her other friends but not to me, not my family.

I watched both my parents go through extremely sad and lonely phases once they were apart. I don't think I (or my siblings) have ever felt as helpless as watching our parents suffer and feeling like there was nothing that we could do to fix it. I had to accept that it was not my problem to fix and that my parents were adults and capable of taking care of themselves. They began to heal in different ways and began to date new people.

The news of first dates from either parent was met with extreme awkwardness. I wanted to be supportive but I still hadn't completely worked out how I felt about them being apart and now they were moving on to date new people. A part of me wanted to know the details but the other part of me wanted to block the whole thing out. I know that both my mom and dad wanted their children to be comfortable with them dating and moving on into new relationships. They both emphasized how important their relationship was with their children and that it came first before any potential new partner.

I will admit that I did not behave in the most mature of fashions when my mom had a new boyfriend. When he was going to be at her house, I would make sure that I wasn't. If I knew she had plans with him, I would plans with her for another day. It wasn't anything personally against him, I wasn't ready to handle the situation yet. As time went on, I got to know him, even working at his office a few times when I was in between jobs. When my mom told me that they were planning to get married, I was still hesitant. I asked her if this is what she really wanted. She said it was. I decided that the best and grow-up daughter decision was to be supportive to my mom.

My mom got re-married in May 2009. Her wedding was on a Sunday. The Friday before the wedding, my apartment was broken into and my lap top stolen. Then the Tuesday after the wedding, I was leaving to go travelling in Europe and Israel for four months. Her wedding day was a very emotional one for me. I was happy for her but in a way it felt strange because I thought, aren't I supposed to be getting married next? It was a small wedding and all of my siblings were there.

I found out about my dad's first date with his now wife through her daughter who I went to high school with. The Jewish community in Calgary is very small and it doesn't take long for word to get out. When I asked him about it he told me that he had planned to tell me about it. I suppose parents are entitled to some privacy in their dating lives. My dad continued to assure me throughout the beginning of their relationship that his children were still number one and that we would always have a place in his home. When he told me that she was moving in to our house and that they were getting married, I was genuinely thrilled. In part because it meant that my beloved childhood home wasn't going to be sold right away.

The first time that I met my dad's then girlfriend, it was obvious that they were a good fit. They both liked to organize things, have shabbat dinners and yell at the tv. It was great to see my dad so happy but a small part of me felt sad because he hadn't been that happy with my mom in a long time.

The trip to Canada was planned around my dad's wedding which was on the second last day before coming back to England. The wedding was a full weekend event with a BBQ, pre-wedding night dinner and the actual wedding taking place in our backyard. After being away from my family for 7 months, it felt so good just to hang out with my everyone and be with "my people". Again, the wedding day was emotional but it was obvious to everyone there just how happy the two of them were.

When my parents re-married new partners, I gained a few step-siblings. I now have 2 sisters, 1 brother, 1 sister-in-law, 1 brother-in-law, 4 step-sisters and 2 step-brothers plus 5 nieces and nephews! We're a big family and only getting bigger!

I think that I have now adjusted to the concept of my parents being married to people who aren't each other hasn't been a quick or pain-free journey to get to this place. I still remember how I felt when they told me they were splitting up and the difficult months that followed. But now it seems that both my parents have found happiness and I couldn't be happier for them.

New Job!!

In the 6 months that I've been here, I've started 4 new jobs. I'm really hoping that this new one sticks. My first day was last Tuesday, I was excited but didn't know what to expect. In a way, it's good that I've started so many jobs because I'm used to the first few days being disorganized and chaotic.

The team that I'm working with is called intensive supervision and surveillance program (ISSP). This is for young people who have either committed very serious offences or have already been given multiple chances. This program is the last option before being given a custodial sentence (prison). I'm also going to be responsible for organizing driver's to pick the young people up and take them to their program. This is the one aspect of the job that worries me a little bit only because I still don't really know the area that I live in that well. Google maps and I are going to become fast friends.

My first day was mostly reading through case files, learning a bit about the computer systems and attending some meetings. On my second day, I went to the Woking Magistrate's court for youth court. It was an extremely interesting day. I can't go into too much detail about the court cases. They were fairly minor offences for the most part but one young person was remanded to custody by the end of the court day. My third day, I had to travel to another office on the other side of the county. I can get into to London in half the time it takes me to to get to Leatherhead. At this office, I was introduced to more people and got to make a few of the timetables.

I feel like there are so many good opportunities and that I'm on the brink of a really great job in the field that I want to work in. Everyone has been so nice and encouraging. My goal now is to do a great job and show them that they were right to give me a chance and that as time goes on they will give me more responsibilities.

Very Good Fortune

It's been an interesting two weeks. Sometimes I am taken by complete surprise and gratitude when it comes to my life and how events unfold.

I've mentioned in previous posts that I've started a volunteer job with Surrey Youth Justice Services as a community panel member. I thought that it was a good way to meet some new people and make a few connections in the youth justice world. After the volunteer training concluded, the co-ordinator scheduled one-on-one follow up meetings with each of us.

When I arrived for my meeting, she said to me 'don't get too excited but I might have a job opportunity for you'. Of course I got excited! She told me that one of the departments (ISSP, intensive supervision and surveillance program) was looking for a support worker to work tuesday, wednesday and thursday. Young people who are on ISSp have to account for 25 hours of their week. My role would be to create their timetables, co-ordinate with their youth justice officer and schedule their programs (i.e. anger management, substance misuse counselling etc). She said that this role would also allow me to do other sessional work on the other days of the week. Most importantly it was a way in with the council and with a department that is very difficult to get into it.

This all sounded amazing! The only downside? I had just started my new temp role at proctor and gamble. The role (as with most of my 'temp' jobs) was very involved and technical. P & G is a high security company and in order to use any of their computer systems, you have to get so many passwords and get trained on each system. I felt so lost trying to figure out what I was going to be doing. Everyone seemed like they were speaking in code because there are thousands of acronyms for everything. I used to go to the supermarket and buy some shampoo and never think twice about the packaging or the buy 2 get 1 free deals. Now I was involved in the behind the scenes of how those products went from idea to the store.

I was so happy at the prospect of this new role but I didn't want to screw over the new people that I was working with. My other big concern was that Matt's dad works for Proctor and Gamble. That's how I found out that they were looking for temps and how I knew the right people to call and get an interview. I didn't want to embarrass him or cause any problems for him since he still works there.

As usual, I completely over reacted and misjudged the situation. Matt's dad was very supportive and told that I needed to do what was right for me. When I told my manager that I would be leaving, she thanked me for being open and honest and said that it sounded like a really great opportunity. Everyone one me team said that they were disappointed to see me go but knew that they couldn't hold me back from a job that I had studied for and that was in my field. I thought that the people who trained me would be irritated that I had wasted their time. Instead, I got a nice e-mail saying it had been a pleasure working with me and thanking me for my support. I also got a gift bag of products as a parting gift! They also told me that if the new job didn't work out, I could come back whenever I wanted. I'm still blown away by how well I was treated.

On Tuesday after work, I went to meet with my future manager to discuss the details of my new job. This was the first time that I had ever been offered a job without applying and without an interview. He told me more details about the role and said that he was happy to give me this opportunity to work with young people since he knew that I had been trying to get involved since I had come to the U.K. The job is less days per week but pays more then my temp job. My contract is only sessional and will be up for review in september. I figure that if I made that good of an impression in two weeks at Proctor & Gamble, I will make an even better impression working in the new job for three months. Especially since I'll actually know what I'll be talking about!

I also got a phone call on Tuesday from another job that I had applied for a few weeks ago to be a teaching assistant. I felt like I was drowning in good fortune. It had gone from no prospects and almost giving up to having two job and an interview. I had to withdraw my application for the teaching assistant job but its for an even better job.

Six months to the day of arriving in England, I was offered a youth justice job. I think that's pretty amazing. I'm starting to feel like myself again. I'm willing to admit that since moving here, I have felt a little bit lost and questioned my decision to move. I have spent way too much time worrying about how it was all going to work out. I now have a job, a volunteer job and I'm starting to have my own group of friends. All of those things are helping me build up some of the independence and confidence that had begun to fade a little bit.

I start the new job on Tuesday. I'll have two weeks of working before going back to Canada. I'm even more excited about my trip now knowing that I get to come back to England to a great job that I want to do. I have been feeling so fortunate and grateful in the job department. I'm also proud of myself for not giving up and being persistent.

Life as a Non-Driver

There were many things that I worried about before I moved to England. I knew that I would miss my friends (a lot!) and my family (even more) and that I might struggle a bit to find work (I was right about that one). None of these worries were that overwhelming. I repeated the mantra of 'it would be fine, I will be fine' and managed to get on the plane and get through the past six months. Of all of the things that I pre-emptively worried about before I came over, driving was not an area that received very much attention.

I can now see that I completely took for granted driving and having my own car. I think about all of the jobs and events that I had no issue getting to because I knew that I could look it up on google map and though I would most likely still get lost, eventually, I would reach my destination. Since I have moved here I have barely driven and only twice outside of the driver's ed car. I assumed that if I tried hard enough, had enough practice I would be able to do it. I knew that I could drive already so learning to drive a manual couldn't be that hard surely...

After many hours of lessons, many pounds invested and countless tears I have decided to end the madness (for now). I have agonized over this decision and have made the requisite pros and cons list and rationalized to the full extent of my abilities. I now HATE driving, I dread my lessons and feel a sense of relief when I get out of the car and I am terrified of roundabouts. I'm not really convinced that any amount of lessons is going to change that. I also never have the chance to practice because a. Matt is never here and b. I'm not insured/not insurable.

The next possible option that is being explored is Matt is going to rent an automatic car for a weekend so I can test out if the problem is driving a manual or more about the traffic and being on the other side of the road. If I can do it then Matt might look into getting a company car that's an automatic. I still might not be able to get insured on that plan. It would seem that my fate is to live in England as a non-driver. Other than not being able to go to the big grocery store on my own and possibly not be eligible for a few jobs I'm not sure there are that many drawbacks. At least not driving is environmentally friendly!

Trying to Keep Things in Perspective

Where has the last three weeks gone? Despite having some significant events take place, I haven't done a very good job of staying on top of my blog.

So what's been going on?

1. Matt and I have gone on a few day/weekend trips. The first one was to Brighton which is about an hour and a bit away. Road trips in Europe are very different than Canadian ones. I'm still preparing Matt for the very long car journey from Vancouver to Calgary. Brighton is on the seaside so we checked out the pier, had lunch in a really tasty vegetarian restaurant and debated but ultimately decided against going on the rides. We also went to Wiltshire (between Stonehenge and Bath) where our friends Dave and Kim live. They invited us and another couple (Steve and Amanda) up for the weekend to see their new house. I had such a great time and discovered that my Wii sports skills have expanded from just bowling to include skiing. I was told that skiing must be in my blood because I'm Canadian. We went into Bath but only briefly. From the little bit that I saw, I would really like to go back there for a whole weekend. I feel like I'm getting to see more of England and not just the major tourist spots.

2. While finding a job in my field has been slow going, obtaining a volunteer job was comparatively easy. After a brief interview, I was chosen to be a community panel member with Surrey Youth Justice. In England, when young people get sentenced in court, they are often put on a referral order which is similar to probation in that they will be supervised but it focuses more on restorative justice (making amends, repairing harm) and dealing with some of the young person's issues that may have led to the offence. It was an intense 6 day training course over 3 weeks. I learned a lot and also made a few new friends who actually live near me. I'm full of nervous excitement about the upcoming panel meetings where I will have to put all the training into practice. I might not be making money but I am making good contacts and gaining more experience working with young people.

3. I got a temp-perm job at proctor and gamble through another temp agency. Today was my first day but I was sent home early for being naughty...kidding - my lap top wasn't working and I couldn't do any work so they said they would have it sorted out by tomorrow when I return. I have mixed feelings about this new job. On the one hand, its a good job with a reputable company and its relatively close by. On the other hand, I feel like its not at all related to my field or education and I worry about all the time they will put into training me while I'm still actively looking and applying for other jobs...I can't say too much about working there because I signed a confidentiality agreement.

3a. A new job in an office means that I need work appropriate clothes. This is a constant problem for me. I hate clothes shopping because I have a weird body shape that does not fit into regular clothes: I have really short legs (i.e. even the petite sized clothes have to be shortened), my waist and legs are two different sizes and I can't wear any tops that have buttons...I've dragged Matt shopping with me a few times but I need to go back and try to find a few pieces that I like.

4. As I have previously mentioned, I am prone to major meltdowns that often lead to breakthroughs. One such event occurred on Thursday. I was at the training session and one of the training leaders was explaining how she got into her role. She told us about her education and the qualifications that a person would need to do her role. After listening to her I felt very discouraged because it seemed like all of my qualifications were wrong. In Canada, having a degree in the field and some work experience seems to be enough to get you a job. In England they are REALLY specific about the type of training and qualifications that they want you to have. I decided to go shopping after the training - possibly the worst idea (see 3a) and went home in tears.

All I could think was I had moved here and knew that the move was not for career gain. At the time that I made the decision, I was fine with it. Or at least fine enough with it to come over here and see what would happen. Now I'm starting to get frustrated that I spent all this time, energy and money on my education and building contacts and working and volunteering and then having this horrible feeling that it doesn't matter and its not enough. When I get in one of those moods, everything is horrible and its the end of the world.

After a tearful conversation with Matt, I spoke to my sister Kylie over skype. The conversation was helpful but then she offered the solution of - why don't you come back to Vancouver for the summer and live in my apartment? My heart both leapt and sunk. It was the ultimate tease. Of course I would LOVE to spend the summer in Vancouver, hang out with my friends and my mom but what about the new job, the volunteering, Matt and trying to build a life here? This opened up a whole new set emotions. The biggest one being how much I miss my old life and that I'm really trying to commit to living here but feel pulled back. I'm afraid that when I go to Canada in a few weeks I might not want to come right back.

I almost feel like two people - the one who lives here and the one who lived in Vancouver. Its a very strange feeling. I am so connected to my family in Calgary and Vancouver and because of skype I feel like I'm still there. But then I go to events and hang out with friends here and I remember I live here and this is my life now. I think that I struggle because I still don't know where I'm going to be living in the long term, I still don't have a job in my field etc.

After the meltdown I had a bit of a wake-up call about how other people might view me (a little - ok a lot complain-y and prone to tears) and how I want people to see me (mostly cheerful and fun). I hate being in the waiting room of my own life but all this time that I think I'm waiting, life is still happening. I need to embrace the uncertainty and accept that my life is still in limbo and even if I was in Canada I could still be temping and looking for permanent work.

The countdown to Canada is 32 days - hoping some of these thoughts will be a little more resolved before then.

Best Ever Granola!

I'm not temping this week so that means I'm baking. I bought 'Babycakes' a dairy,wheat and sugar free baking cookbook based on a bakery in New York (thanks Courtney for the suggestion). I've found some of the ingredients but a field trip to Whole Foods in London is in store to get the rest.

In the mean time I made granola today and I'm making spelt bread for the first time on Friday night. I LOVE this granola and always have some frozen in our tiny freezer. The trouble is I eat so much of it! Matt doesn't eat it so I can't blame him for how fast it disappears. I thought I would share the recipe since I know there are other foodie/baked good lovers out there who read this.

Enjoy!

Ready in 40 minutes - makes 16 1/2 servings

1/2 cup ground or coarsely chopped flaxseeds

6 cups old-fashioned or longer cooking oat flakes (I just use quaker oats)

2 cups sliced, unsalted almonds

1 cup raw, unsalted pumpkin seeds

1/2 cup raw, unsalted sunflower seeds

1 tsp each sea salt and cinnamon

3/4 cup vegetable oil

1/2 cup honey

1 cup dried apricots, chopped into small pieces

1 cup dried cranberries

1 cup dried apples, chopped into small pieces

1. Preheat oven to 350 degrees F

2. Line two cookie sheets with unbleached parchment paper (your hands will be sticky after mixing so its easier if these are ready to go)

3. Combine dry ingredients in a very large bowl. Add liquid and fruit ingredients and stir well. (I mix it with my hands. It's messier but I find it works much better for getting everything to stick together)

4. Bake for 30 minutes BUT check on it every 10 minutes and use a spatula to stir it. The dried fruit tends to burn unless you give it a shake every 10 minutes or so.

5. Remove from oven and let cool before putting in airtight containers. Freezes very well.

NOTE: This makes a HUGE amount of granola and I usually only make 1/2 a batch. The recipes halves very well. Also - I've used other dried fruit before when I didn't have dried apples and it turned out fine.

I hope you love it as much I do. This item would be sold at the fantasy Gold Owl Bakery.

It's been a great week

As anyone who works for or with local government knows, they move at a snail's pace. As a result, although I have received and returned my new employee package for Surrey County Council, I still do not have a start date or training dates. I'm back to temping until it gets sorted out. I did phone them but didn't really get anymore information then I already had.

This week I've been temping for Reach a marketing company in my town. Its very convenient to be able to walk to work and its only a few doors down from my gym. Its a pretty cool place and some of their clients are nintendo, nestle and some apple i-phone stuff. My job has been less glamorous. I along with 3 other temps have been completing data cleansing. Nestle did a huge audit and went all around the U.K. to find out what kind of coffee machines are in supermarkets, schools and offices etc. All the people who did the audit uploaded the info online. Our job is then to go through every entry (there are about 1500) and make sure that there are no blanks in the entry and that all the answers make sense. If there is a problem, then I have to call the person who did the audit and get them to tell me the answer they had recorded on their original questionnaire.

It's been boring but the office is fun and I sit next to another temp named Sean so at least I have someone to chat with during the day. We're also faster at going through the data then the other two temps so we call ourselves Team 1/the winning team. We can get through about 50-60 entries per day. That project is finished so I might still be working there this week coming up but I might not. Either way, to me, this is what temp work should be like. No responsibility, come in and do your work and go home. The last temp job was way too much responsibly from the get-go.

The weather has also been amazing all week. Everything just seems to be better when the sun is shining. I even discovered cherry blossom trees on my way to work which reminded me of Vancouver and make me smile.

Matt still works out of town all week leaving me to my own devices. We've been trying to make the most of the time that we have together on the weekends. Although spending 4-5 hours at the golf course tends to eat into our 'couple' time. I know how I feel when I don't go down to the gym for a few days so I do understand (to an extent) his intense passion for golf.

I'm getting very excited for our upcoming trip to Canada. We arrive on June 12th and of course I've already got almost the whole thing planned out. I'm a planner. I also want to make the most of our time there. We've also been invited to a wedding in Australia in January so we're really trying to see how we can make that work.

I'm hoping that in the very near future I'll know more about when I start this job!

Gold Owl Bakery

Since things have not being going quite as well as I had hoped in the work/career department, I have begun to fantasize about a possible dream job for myself.

I've signed the contract for the new job, they've contacted my references and still I have no idea of a start date. My plan is to give them a call tomorrow to try and find out when training might start. In the meantime, it's back to temp work. This week, its at a marketing company.

When I first moved here and wasn't working at all, I was baking all the time. I gave away little packages of gingerbread cookies at Christmas time as gifts. I have always loved baking. More than once (and many times in recent months) people have tried my cookies or other baked goods and told me that I should have my own business. I did, very briefly, have my own cookie business but it was short lived since I only had one customer who was missing his mom's cookies and wanted someone to make them for him.

When I first began toying with the idea of my own cookie business since moving to England, the most important thing was a name and brand. I love my last name and I love owls so Gold Owl cookies was born. I looked into selling them at a market stall in our town centre. They have a once a month market. This idea fizzled out fairly quickly because my very brief cost-benefit analysis was discouraging. It didn't seem like it could ever be anything more than a hobby. So I tucked the idea away in a mental file of wouldn't it be nice.

Two weeks ago I began a no wheat/no dairy/ no sugar plan. I started this partially for detox purposes and partially for weight loss purposes. Its been pretty effective. I've had less stomach problems and lost 3 pounds. I've also been baking with new ingredients (for me) like spelt flour and soy milk. Matt even enjoyed my spelt pancakes made with soy milk for breakfast this morning!

I was worried that I wouldn't be able to find things to eat since there is no whole foods or major health food store in my town. There are smaller stores and a 1/4 of an aisle at the grocery store but I've been pleasantly surprised overall with what I've been able to find and put together.

Yesterday, Matt and I went to Kingston to go shopping and I found a cool store called Food for Thought which was like a dream (and Matt's nightmare). It was full of different flours and vegan/vegetarian food. It got me thinking about how I can't buy these kinds of things closer to our house (freshly made products). So in the car on the drive home I started brainstorming about how I should expand my fictional business to include not just cookies but a whole assortment of wheat free/gluten free breads and baked goods and Gold Owl Cookies became Gold Owl Bakery.

I might look into the market stall idea again but there' s a good chance that this idea might remain in my head but its fun to think about.

A Little Homesick

After the amazing high of Paris came the inevitable low of facing reality. I had pushed many things out of my mind with the plan to deal with them once I was back from my trip. The biggest issue on my mind (all the time lately) is work. I do have a new job but it hasn't started yet. I just got my new employee package in the mail and I'm waiting for the next step or contact from my employers. I've also begun applying for more full time jobs since this job is only part time/on call.

All of the jobs that I want and have been applying for are all through the same organization Surrey County Council. They seem to have a monopoly on every social service and criminal justice related job available. I find this so frustrating because I have filled out the same job application online at least 25 times now. In the past (In Canada), when I was applying for jobs, I was sending out applications and resumes to a number of different organizations. Here its one single organization. I'm hoping that since I've already been hired by them for another position, they will maybe let my application get past the first stage. I'm fantastic in interviews if they give me one.

Last Monday was the Jewish holiday of Passover. This is one of my favourite holidays. When I moved here in November and was in England for Christmas, many people asked me if I missed being with my family. I missed my family but since we don't celebrate Christmas, it wasn't such a hardship being away at that time of year. Passover, on the other hand, is a big holiday in my family. We always have a big family get together and dinner. This year, I went to a Passover dinner in North London with my cousin Jonas. I was really happy to go to an actual dinner rather than having to pay to attend one at a synagogue. Also, the dinner was vegetarian and kosher for Passover! This is no small feat when you consider that you are not allowed to use any wheat/bread products for Passover. I really enjoyed myself but still really missed my dinners at home.

For the last month and a half, Matt has been working out of town during the week. He leaves Monday mornings and comes back Friday evenings. I wish that my social life wasn't quite so dependant on him but it is. The people that I know here all live in London which isn't that far but also isn't around the corner. I'm still trying to meet more local friends. I do occasionally hang out with Matt's mum though.

In the midst of the holiday, job applications feeling futile and Matt being away, I was hit with an intense wave of homesickness. All I kept thinking (and am still thinking) is would this all be easier if I had stayed in Canada where I had friends and a car and knew my way around the city?Those thoughts inevitably lead to the question that I try not to ask but that pops up in difficult times ' What am I doing here?'. Most days, I'm very happy with my decision and even if there are bad days, overall I believe that it was the right choice for me to move here. Plus, I was so efficient at packing up my life before I left, I don't really have anything (other than people) tying to me one place. If I were to move back, I would still have to start over again.

One bright spot in this rough patch is that I had friends come to visit. Max and Adrienne, who live in Germany, came on Thursday. Adrienne and I are friends from grad school in Vancouver and she met Max in Canada and then moved to Germany to be with him. Adrienne and I have lots to talk about in that department. It was so nice to have them for a visit. Despite their awesomeness, the homesick feelings have not fully disappeared.

I know that I haven't been here very long but I still don't feel that much of a connection to a life here. I'm sure a large element of that is due to a very irregular work schedule. I keep hoping that once this new job starts, there will be an improvement. Although, sometimes it feels like by the time I get everything sorted out with the new job, I'll be on my way back to Canada for a visit (June 12th - 28th).

This has been a fairly depressing post but unfortunately that's how I've been feeling. I'm sure that soon enough I'll get sick of this Sarah pity party and find a way to turn things around.

Parting with a Piece of My Canadian Identity

I have been very frustrated with everything to do with learning how to drive a manual car and getting a United Kingdom driver's license. I feel like I have been trying very hard to learn how to drive and figure out how to get a license. The trouble is that I keep getting misinformation. First the driving instructors told me that I first needed to get a provisional license (like a learner's permit) and then take my written/theory test and then take my road test.

Working on that assumption, I have been taking driving lessons knowing that it would still be awhile before I would be able to take my test. The driving lessons have varied from feeling mildly successful to overwhelmingly nervous and a new found hatred of driving. Its a very strange feeling because for the last nine years, I have been fortunate enough to own my own car and drive myself anywhere that I needed to go. Selling my car before I moved to England was a much more emotional experience then I had anticipated. My car was the last physical item that connected me to my life in Canada.

There's a chance that I under-estimated how difficult it would be to drive a manual car on the opposite side of the road. Before I moved I was overly-optimistic about all aspects of the new life awaiting me. I was confident that I would be able to find a job, learn to drive and build a brand new life here. If I had not maintained that optimism, I think I would have been paralyzed by fear and would never have gotten on the plane.

I have managed to find work. Its a slow process since I've been hired by a government organization and I finally received my new employee package in the mail. I'm also doing some work for my former manager at the debt collections agency which allows me to work from home. The main reason behind trying to get my driver's license sorted out more quickly is because my new job requires me to have a current license and access to a car.

The trouble is that although I am legally allowed to drive in the United Kingdom on my Canadian driver's license for one year of living here, Matt's insurance company will not insure me on that license. So I can't drive his car - the car that I told the new job I had access to...

The new plan is that I was able to exchange my Canadian license for a Great Britain license but that license will show that I am only able to drive an automatic car. Once I have that license I can just book my practical test and then get my license changed to show that I can drive a manual car. I went to exchange my license on Friday and now have to wait three weeks for my new new license to arrive. I also just learned that I can't book my practical test until that new license arrives!

I so wish that I had known about this license exchange when I first arrived here. I could have exchanged it months ago! When I was first told about this option, I was resistant to the idea of having to hand over my Canadian license in order to obtain a U.K. one. I didn't like the idea of having to give my license away. Of course this is silly, its a small, laminated piece of i.d. but to me (again) it is something that connects me to my life in Canada.

When I first moved from Calgary to Vancouver, I went through a similar process of maintaining my life in Calgary even though I was living in Vancouver. My doctor, dentist, hair dresser, everything were in Calgary for the first year that I lived away. I think that it made the move easier because I still felt connected to my old life. Eventually, trying to maintain a life in two cities became too difficult and I had to make a decision. If I was going to live in Vancouver, then I had to really live there. Of course, by the time I had managed to sort out and build a life in Vancouver I was preparing to move to England.

Now I am facing the same scenario where I live in England but most of my life still feels like its in Canada. Initially, I wasn't really ready to give over my Canadian license because my move here did not ( and still doesn't) feel permanent. I'm occasionally resistant to decorating our flat for the same reason. How much of a life do I want to build here when I really have no idea how long I will be living here?

In the midst of all of this driver's license drama, Matt has made an extremely generous offer. He proposed that perhaps he could sell his car and buy an automatic car for both of us to use. When he first suggested this to me last week my answer was firmly no. I thought that I had moved here and made the decision to go after a job that required me to drive. I felt that it was my responsibility to learn how to do this. As usual, placing unrealistic expectations on myself and then berating myself for not meeting them.

After much thought and a very long conversation with my mom, I began to see that it was not unfair of me to accept Matt's potential offer of getting an automatic car. It would help me SO much and it wouldn't have to be forever. I could keep taking lessons and eventually conquer manual driving. Why did I think that it was so unreasonable to get a car, even for just a year, that would help me feel more confident driving here?

This feeling was motivated by my struggle between independent Sarah and couple Sarah. I'm not really good at making decisions as a couple. I'm very good at making decisions that benefit Matt and benefit me but more individually. Getting a car that would help me but would mean Matt driving a car he didn't really like for a period of time seemed like way too much to ask for. I now see that I am very lucky to be with someone who is willing to even consider trading in his much loved car to make my life a little easier.

As I had to tell myself when I sold my car (and all my other possessions), its only a car and its just stuff.