Very Good Fortune

It's been an interesting two weeks. Sometimes I am taken by complete surprise and gratitude when it comes to my life and how events unfold.

I've mentioned in previous posts that I've started a volunteer job with Surrey Youth Justice Services as a community panel member. I thought that it was a good way to meet some new people and make a few connections in the youth justice world. After the volunteer training concluded, the co-ordinator scheduled one-on-one follow up meetings with each of us.

When I arrived for my meeting, she said to me 'don't get too excited but I might have a job opportunity for you'. Of course I got excited! She told me that one of the departments (ISSP, intensive supervision and surveillance program) was looking for a support worker to work tuesday, wednesday and thursday. Young people who are on ISSp have to account for 25 hours of their week. My role would be to create their timetables, co-ordinate with their youth justice officer and schedule their programs (i.e. anger management, substance misuse counselling etc). She said that this role would also allow me to do other sessional work on the other days of the week. Most importantly it was a way in with the council and with a department that is very difficult to get into it.

This all sounded amazing! The only downside? I had just started my new temp role at proctor and gamble. The role (as with most of my 'temp' jobs) was very involved and technical. P & G is a high security company and in order to use any of their computer systems, you have to get so many passwords and get trained on each system. I felt so lost trying to figure out what I was going to be doing. Everyone seemed like they were speaking in code because there are thousands of acronyms for everything. I used to go to the supermarket and buy some shampoo and never think twice about the packaging or the buy 2 get 1 free deals. Now I was involved in the behind the scenes of how those products went from idea to the store.

I was so happy at the prospect of this new role but I didn't want to screw over the new people that I was working with. My other big concern was that Matt's dad works for Proctor and Gamble. That's how I found out that they were looking for temps and how I knew the right people to call and get an interview. I didn't want to embarrass him or cause any problems for him since he still works there.

As usual, I completely over reacted and misjudged the situation. Matt's dad was very supportive and told that I needed to do what was right for me. When I told my manager that I would be leaving, she thanked me for being open and honest and said that it sounded like a really great opportunity. Everyone one me team said that they were disappointed to see me go but knew that they couldn't hold me back from a job that I had studied for and that was in my field. I thought that the people who trained me would be irritated that I had wasted their time. Instead, I got a nice e-mail saying it had been a pleasure working with me and thanking me for my support. I also got a gift bag of products as a parting gift! They also told me that if the new job didn't work out, I could come back whenever I wanted. I'm still blown away by how well I was treated.

On Tuesday after work, I went to meet with my future manager to discuss the details of my new job. This was the first time that I had ever been offered a job without applying and without an interview. He told me more details about the role and said that he was happy to give me this opportunity to work with young people since he knew that I had been trying to get involved since I had come to the U.K. The job is less days per week but pays more then my temp job. My contract is only sessional and will be up for review in september. I figure that if I made that good of an impression in two weeks at Proctor & Gamble, I will make an even better impression working in the new job for three months. Especially since I'll actually know what I'll be talking about!

I also got a phone call on Tuesday from another job that I had applied for a few weeks ago to be a teaching assistant. I felt like I was drowning in good fortune. It had gone from no prospects and almost giving up to having two job and an interview. I had to withdraw my application for the teaching assistant job but its for an even better job.

Six months to the day of arriving in England, I was offered a youth justice job. I think that's pretty amazing. I'm starting to feel like myself again. I'm willing to admit that since moving here, I have felt a little bit lost and questioned my decision to move. I have spent way too much time worrying about how it was all going to work out. I now have a job, a volunteer job and I'm starting to have my own group of friends. All of those things are helping me build up some of the independence and confidence that had begun to fade a little bit.

I start the new job on Tuesday. I'll have two weeks of working before going back to Canada. I'm even more excited about my trip now knowing that I get to come back to England to a great job that I want to do. I have been feeling so fortunate and grateful in the job department. I'm also proud of myself for not giving up and being persistent.

Life as a Non-Driver

There were many things that I worried about before I moved to England. I knew that I would miss my friends (a lot!) and my family (even more) and that I might struggle a bit to find work (I was right about that one). None of these worries were that overwhelming. I repeated the mantra of 'it would be fine, I will be fine' and managed to get on the plane and get through the past six months. Of all of the things that I pre-emptively worried about before I came over, driving was not an area that received very much attention.

I can now see that I completely took for granted driving and having my own car. I think about all of the jobs and events that I had no issue getting to because I knew that I could look it up on google map and though I would most likely still get lost, eventually, I would reach my destination. Since I have moved here I have barely driven and only twice outside of the driver's ed car. I assumed that if I tried hard enough, had enough practice I would be able to do it. I knew that I could drive already so learning to drive a manual couldn't be that hard surely...

After many hours of lessons, many pounds invested and countless tears I have decided to end the madness (for now). I have agonized over this decision and have made the requisite pros and cons list and rationalized to the full extent of my abilities. I now HATE driving, I dread my lessons and feel a sense of relief when I get out of the car and I am terrified of roundabouts. I'm not really convinced that any amount of lessons is going to change that. I also never have the chance to practice because a. Matt is never here and b. I'm not insured/not insurable.

The next possible option that is being explored is Matt is going to rent an automatic car for a weekend so I can test out if the problem is driving a manual or more about the traffic and being on the other side of the road. If I can do it then Matt might look into getting a company car that's an automatic. I still might not be able to get insured on that plan. It would seem that my fate is to live in England as a non-driver. Other than not being able to go to the big grocery store on my own and possibly not be eligible for a few jobs I'm not sure there are that many drawbacks. At least not driving is environmentally friendly!

Trying to Keep Things in Perspective

Where has the last three weeks gone? Despite having some significant events take place, I haven't done a very good job of staying on top of my blog.

So what's been going on?

1. Matt and I have gone on a few day/weekend trips. The first one was to Brighton which is about an hour and a bit away. Road trips in Europe are very different than Canadian ones. I'm still preparing Matt for the very long car journey from Vancouver to Calgary. Brighton is on the seaside so we checked out the pier, had lunch in a really tasty vegetarian restaurant and debated but ultimately decided against going on the rides. We also went to Wiltshire (between Stonehenge and Bath) where our friends Dave and Kim live. They invited us and another couple (Steve and Amanda) up for the weekend to see their new house. I had such a great time and discovered that my Wii sports skills have expanded from just bowling to include skiing. I was told that skiing must be in my blood because I'm Canadian. We went into Bath but only briefly. From the little bit that I saw, I would really like to go back there for a whole weekend. I feel like I'm getting to see more of England and not just the major tourist spots.

2. While finding a job in my field has been slow going, obtaining a volunteer job was comparatively easy. After a brief interview, I was chosen to be a community panel member with Surrey Youth Justice. In England, when young people get sentenced in court, they are often put on a referral order which is similar to probation in that they will be supervised but it focuses more on restorative justice (making amends, repairing harm) and dealing with some of the young person's issues that may have led to the offence. It was an intense 6 day training course over 3 weeks. I learned a lot and also made a few new friends who actually live near me. I'm full of nervous excitement about the upcoming panel meetings where I will have to put all the training into practice. I might not be making money but I am making good contacts and gaining more experience working with young people.

3. I got a temp-perm job at proctor and gamble through another temp agency. Today was my first day but I was sent home early for being naughty...kidding - my lap top wasn't working and I couldn't do any work so they said they would have it sorted out by tomorrow when I return. I have mixed feelings about this new job. On the one hand, its a good job with a reputable company and its relatively close by. On the other hand, I feel like its not at all related to my field or education and I worry about all the time they will put into training me while I'm still actively looking and applying for other jobs...I can't say too much about working there because I signed a confidentiality agreement.

3a. A new job in an office means that I need work appropriate clothes. This is a constant problem for me. I hate clothes shopping because I have a weird body shape that does not fit into regular clothes: I have really short legs (i.e. even the petite sized clothes have to be shortened), my waist and legs are two different sizes and I can't wear any tops that have buttons...I've dragged Matt shopping with me a few times but I need to go back and try to find a few pieces that I like.

4. As I have previously mentioned, I am prone to major meltdowns that often lead to breakthroughs. One such event occurred on Thursday. I was at the training session and one of the training leaders was explaining how she got into her role. She told us about her education and the qualifications that a person would need to do her role. After listening to her I felt very discouraged because it seemed like all of my qualifications were wrong. In Canada, having a degree in the field and some work experience seems to be enough to get you a job. In England they are REALLY specific about the type of training and qualifications that they want you to have. I decided to go shopping after the training - possibly the worst idea (see 3a) and went home in tears.

All I could think was I had moved here and knew that the move was not for career gain. At the time that I made the decision, I was fine with it. Or at least fine enough with it to come over here and see what would happen. Now I'm starting to get frustrated that I spent all this time, energy and money on my education and building contacts and working and volunteering and then having this horrible feeling that it doesn't matter and its not enough. When I get in one of those moods, everything is horrible and its the end of the world.

After a tearful conversation with Matt, I spoke to my sister Kylie over skype. The conversation was helpful but then she offered the solution of - why don't you come back to Vancouver for the summer and live in my apartment? My heart both leapt and sunk. It was the ultimate tease. Of course I would LOVE to spend the summer in Vancouver, hang out with my friends and my mom but what about the new job, the volunteering, Matt and trying to build a life here? This opened up a whole new set emotions. The biggest one being how much I miss my old life and that I'm really trying to commit to living here but feel pulled back. I'm afraid that when I go to Canada in a few weeks I might not want to come right back.

I almost feel like two people - the one who lives here and the one who lived in Vancouver. Its a very strange feeling. I am so connected to my family in Calgary and Vancouver and because of skype I feel like I'm still there. But then I go to events and hang out with friends here and I remember I live here and this is my life now. I think that I struggle because I still don't know where I'm going to be living in the long term, I still don't have a job in my field etc.

After the meltdown I had a bit of a wake-up call about how other people might view me (a little - ok a lot complain-y and prone to tears) and how I want people to see me (mostly cheerful and fun). I hate being in the waiting room of my own life but all this time that I think I'm waiting, life is still happening. I need to embrace the uncertainty and accept that my life is still in limbo and even if I was in Canada I could still be temping and looking for permanent work.

The countdown to Canada is 32 days - hoping some of these thoughts will be a little more resolved before then.