Stay At Home Girlfriend

I have been living In England for about 6 weeks now. I have been unemployed for that period of time, which is a term that I hate. At least in the past when I didn’t have a job I could still say that I was a student. I am very fortunate to be living with a boyfriend who is supporting me financially for the most part. This is not an arrangement that is going to be permanent. I’m already uncomfortable not being able to pay my own way. I have these idealistic, egalitarian relationship ideas where you should at least strive for a 50/50 partnership. It’s very hard for me to be so reliant on another person. I’ve had a car since I was 17 up until I moved here and I’m used to being able to get behind the wheel and accomplish my errands. I live walking distance from most major stores but for bigger trips (like IKEA or big grocery shops) I have to ask for a ride.

At no point have I been told that I need to ‘earn my keep’ but since I am home almost the entire day job-hunting, it has fallen on me to take care of most of the domestic chores around the house. It’s a strange feeling - but a self imposed one that I should be taking of household tasks. Even when I do start working (tomorrow is my first temp job), I get the sense that cooking and grocery shopping are still going to be my responsibilities. Granted I am a picky eater who doesn’t really eat meat and asking a non-vegetarian to cook vegetarian meals is not going to happen (not in my experience anyway).

The feminist in me wants to argue that there is nothing inherently ‘feminine’ about household tasks and the term ‘woman’s work’ makes me cringe. When I lived on my own I did all of the same chores; cooking, shopping and cleaning up after myself. I’ve had room mates so it was slightly easier to divide up the cleaning. Now I live with someone who is away from the house 12-14 hours a day and it’s difficult to argue with ‘ You’re home all day so technically it’s your mess to clean up’. Perhaps a division of labor conversation will have to be re-visited once I’m working more.

I also find that other couples like to discuss the division of labor issue when we’re out. They are often curious to know who does what. I think part of the reason for curiosity on the part of Matt’s friends, is that he went from living at home with a very maternal mum and I’ve lived on my own and with room mates and even before that my mom never did my laundry.

We’re learning together since neither of us has ever lived with a boyfriend/girlfriend before. We’ll just have to see how it works out…