I have been very frustrated with everything to do with learning how to drive a manual car and getting a United Kingdom driver's license. I feel like I have been trying very hard to learn how to drive and figure out how to get a license. The trouble is that I keep getting misinformation. First the driving instructors told me that I first needed to get a provisional license (like a learner's permit) and then take my written/theory test and then take my road test.
Working on that assumption, I have been taking driving lessons knowing that it would still be awhile before I would be able to take my test. The driving lessons have varied from feeling mildly successful to overwhelmingly nervous and a new found hatred of driving. Its a very strange feeling because for the last nine years, I have been fortunate enough to own my own car and drive myself anywhere that I needed to go. Selling my car before I moved to England was a much more emotional experience then I had anticipated. My car was the last physical item that connected me to my life in Canada.
There's a chance that I under-estimated how difficult it would be to drive a manual car on the opposite side of the road. Before I moved I was overly-optimistic about all aspects of the new life awaiting me. I was confident that I would be able to find a job, learn to drive and build a brand new life here. If I had not maintained that optimism, I think I would have been paralyzed by fear and would never have gotten on the plane.
I have managed to find work. Its a slow process since I've been hired by a government organization and I finally received my new employee package in the mail. I'm also doing some work for my former manager at the debt collections agency which allows me to work from home. The main reason behind trying to get my driver's license sorted out more quickly is because my new job requires me to have a current license and access to a car.
The trouble is that although I am legally allowed to drive in the United Kingdom on my Canadian driver's license for one year of living here, Matt's insurance company will not insure me on that license. So I can't drive his car - the car that I told the new job I had access to...
The new plan is that I was able to exchange my Canadian license for a Great Britain license but that license will show that I am only able to drive an automatic car. Once I have that license I can just book my practical test and then get my license changed to show that I can drive a manual car. I went to exchange my license on Friday and now have to wait three weeks for my new new license to arrive. I also just learned that I can't book my practical test until that new license arrives!
I so wish that I had known about this license exchange when I first arrived here. I could have exchanged it months ago! When I was first told about this option, I was resistant to the idea of having to hand over my Canadian license in order to obtain a U.K. one. I didn't like the idea of having to give my license away. Of course this is silly, its a small, laminated piece of i.d. but to me (again) it is something that connects me to my life in Canada.
When I first moved from Calgary to Vancouver, I went through a similar process of maintaining my life in Calgary even though I was living in Vancouver. My doctor, dentist, hair dresser, everything were in Calgary for the first year that I lived away. I think that it made the move easier because I still felt connected to my old life. Eventually, trying to maintain a life in two cities became too difficult and I had to make a decision. If I was going to live in Vancouver, then I had to really live there. Of course, by the time I had managed to sort out and build a life in Vancouver I was preparing to move to England.
Now I am facing the same scenario where I live in England but most of my life still feels like its in Canada. Initially, I wasn't really ready to give over my Canadian license because my move here did not ( and still doesn't) feel permanent. I'm occasionally resistant to decorating our flat for the same reason. How much of a life do I want to build here when I really have no idea how long I will be living here?
In the midst of all of this driver's license drama, Matt has made an extremely generous offer. He proposed that perhaps he could sell his car and buy an automatic car for both of us to use. When he first suggested this to me last week my answer was firmly no. I thought that I had moved here and made the decision to go after a job that required me to drive. I felt that it was my responsibility to learn how to do this. As usual, placing unrealistic expectations on myself and then berating myself for not meeting them.
After much thought and a very long conversation with my mom, I began to see that it was not unfair of me to accept Matt's potential offer of getting an automatic car. It would help me SO much and it wouldn't have to be forever. I could keep taking lessons and eventually conquer manual driving. Why did I think that it was so unreasonable to get a car, even for just a year, that would help me feel more confident driving here?
This feeling was motivated by my struggle between independent Sarah and couple Sarah. I'm not really good at making decisions as a couple. I'm very good at making decisions that benefit Matt and benefit me but more individually. Getting a car that would help me but would mean Matt driving a car he didn't really like for a period of time seemed like way too much to ask for. I now see that I am very lucky to be with someone who is willing to even consider trading in his much loved car to make my life a little easier.
As I had to tell myself when I sold my car (and all my other possessions), its only a car and its just stuff.
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