A Little Homesick

After the amazing high of Paris came the inevitable low of facing reality. I had pushed many things out of my mind with the plan to deal with them once I was back from my trip. The biggest issue on my mind (all the time lately) is work. I do have a new job but it hasn't started yet. I just got my new employee package in the mail and I'm waiting for the next step or contact from my employers. I've also begun applying for more full time jobs since this job is only part time/on call.

All of the jobs that I want and have been applying for are all through the same organization Surrey County Council. They seem to have a monopoly on every social service and criminal justice related job available. I find this so frustrating because I have filled out the same job application online at least 25 times now. In the past (In Canada), when I was applying for jobs, I was sending out applications and resumes to a number of different organizations. Here its one single organization. I'm hoping that since I've already been hired by them for another position, they will maybe let my application get past the first stage. I'm fantastic in interviews if they give me one.

Last Monday was the Jewish holiday of Passover. This is one of my favourite holidays. When I moved here in November and was in England for Christmas, many people asked me if I missed being with my family. I missed my family but since we don't celebrate Christmas, it wasn't such a hardship being away at that time of year. Passover, on the other hand, is a big holiday in my family. We always have a big family get together and dinner. This year, I went to a Passover dinner in North London with my cousin Jonas. I was really happy to go to an actual dinner rather than having to pay to attend one at a synagogue. Also, the dinner was vegetarian and kosher for Passover! This is no small feat when you consider that you are not allowed to use any wheat/bread products for Passover. I really enjoyed myself but still really missed my dinners at home.

For the last month and a half, Matt has been working out of town during the week. He leaves Monday mornings and comes back Friday evenings. I wish that my social life wasn't quite so dependant on him but it is. The people that I know here all live in London which isn't that far but also isn't around the corner. I'm still trying to meet more local friends. I do occasionally hang out with Matt's mum though.

In the midst of the holiday, job applications feeling futile and Matt being away, I was hit with an intense wave of homesickness. All I kept thinking (and am still thinking) is would this all be easier if I had stayed in Canada where I had friends and a car and knew my way around the city?Those thoughts inevitably lead to the question that I try not to ask but that pops up in difficult times ' What am I doing here?'. Most days, I'm very happy with my decision and even if there are bad days, overall I believe that it was the right choice for me to move here. Plus, I was so efficient at packing up my life before I left, I don't really have anything (other than people) tying to me one place. If I were to move back, I would still have to start over again.

One bright spot in this rough patch is that I had friends come to visit. Max and Adrienne, who live in Germany, came on Thursday. Adrienne and I are friends from grad school in Vancouver and she met Max in Canada and then moved to Germany to be with him. Adrienne and I have lots to talk about in that department. It was so nice to have them for a visit. Despite their awesomeness, the homesick feelings have not fully disappeared.

I know that I haven't been here very long but I still don't feel that much of a connection to a life here. I'm sure a large element of that is due to a very irregular work schedule. I keep hoping that once this new job starts, there will be an improvement. Although, sometimes it feels like by the time I get everything sorted out with the new job, I'll be on my way back to Canada for a visit (June 12th - 28th).

This has been a fairly depressing post but unfortunately that's how I've been feeling. I'm sure that soon enough I'll get sick of this Sarah pity party and find a way to turn things around.